Wednesday, July 31, 2013

What Men Look for In Women - Part Two

Or Drawing to an inside straight, it’s not a perfect deal.

For years, it seemed men did not appreciate or value intelligent women. It made them toooo hard to control. In addition, men appeared to fear things they couldn’t understand or manage… Heaven forbid if a woman made demands on a man or held her own space. Years ago, men did not seek partners; men sought roles - Mothers, Maids, Sexual Surrogates, and possibly Companions. They sought dominance, or so it appeared. After all, it was a man’s world... or so they thought…. If truth were told, I believe men have sought out women of intelligence and confidence for years… They just did not marry them… but they needed them nonetheless.

Many men did not see the value of “book smart”, even for themselves… An eighth grade education was valued as good enough, maybe even overly educated. However, they did see the value in being street or field smart… Men did see the value in pairing with someone who could pull their own weight and complement him. Many men just did not see the value in complementing them…. I hope males have grown a little and matured in this area for, in today’s world, a partner has to challenge your thoughts and stir your emotions if you are going to survive. These challenges have to start at home with ambition and drive... We don’t have the luxury of isolation and our world is not small. It is too difficult to be that island unto oneself. Whether it is in the bedroom or the boardroom.

So finding a partner or friend who is intelligent, confident, filled with ambition and drive is important to men... It always has been. Men don’t want women to become their mothers, stubbornly telling them, teaching them, trying to change them, tracking their every move, and/or correcting them. Mothering is what you save for your children, not your mate or your friend… It is not a characteristic men value when it is applied to him.

When the dust settles and the pot stops its boil, most men complain about women who are selfish on good days and just plain “bitches” on bad days. From them men learn that it’s all about her and consequently, it leaves little time for him. Men look for and value being the center of affection, her affection. Men value the strength of a Good Heart… Men want women to have the allure of Sexuality and the Sensuality of being female.

Men don’t want women to look like him, think like him or be him. Men relish the difference. Men though, have to remember to give as much as they receive. Men need to offer the compassion, sincerity, and warmth they value in her, in return. Men need to reciprocate this or it does not stay… Even though men value this, they often find it difficult to give in return. Hence, men are often seen as egocentric and selfish when it comes to relationships. The simplicity of give me a beer, a burger and oral sex wins. It just isn’t totally true.

Simply, men value that you value them. Next, they value your wit, your charm, your intelligence, your honesty, your looks, your respect, and your love. As I’ve said before, men are at times greedy and selfish. In being so, they often lose sight of what is most dear. Men often don’t see what is before them nor do they nourish it. Men can be short sighted and in being so, he is not aware of what or who stands right before him. What many women feel is something they believe men should just know; men don’t. It is important to tell him, not assume he knows. Something many women refuse to do, at least in a healthy productive manner.

Men want to please as much as women do but we first have to become aware.

Men are constantly aware of their instinct to breed and to protect… They understand and accept it is just a part of who they are. It does not define who men are and it does not define what they value nor does it replace what they want, need or desire… It is just a part. Men are not complicated; just take the time to ask one. Men also know what they value does not come without its price… And yes, some men are not willing to pay it… Some women demand payment before giving…. Sometimes, it just happens…. No strings, No payments…

The price is ongoing and variable. The gift is a relationship. Is it worth the price? Is it worth the value? Is it worth the energy? Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth the satisfaction and fullness of a heart that is nourished and cared for? Only you have the answer.

As for LOVE, men seek it as much as women do. They just don’t know how to approach it. While there are different things that make men happy, sex is a huge part of this equation. Remember the instinct to protect and breed. It is something that is a part of men. Although contrary to what many believe, sex is not his only priority. Men also value love. They do ride for the brand as some western writers would say, but men approach it from a different position…. They take a different seat in the saddle. Respect, humor, intelligence, honesty, charm and yes love are all parts of his equation, not just sex. As some salty ole cowboys use to say, “Find a woman with a heart of gold and you have found the “Mother Load.” Men just don’t want to be left with the papers of a dry hole and holding his own shaft…. That’s where the distrust comes into play. It does not have to be constant but it does need to be consistent. Therefore, all the above needs to be real, as he will eventually see through fake. Fake is almost impossible to sustain… Men want women to be real, not perfect.

What do men value… we value YOU… and we want YOU to value US… It sort of sounds like an old Rambo movie doesn’t it but it is true. And that my friend is a choice… I know… Choice... We have all heard it before. I’ve made mine… Isn’t it time to make yours…? Maybe this time of year says it all. We are told that it is better to give than to receive… and in turn, we receive more than we could ever give…. Now is not the time to wait.

Maybe, just maybe if we would listen a little more and exhibit a little more patience both genders would be more satisfied. In this way, one may not be much different from the other.

Until later, this Reservation Recluse has some field research to complete…. So until next time…. Pull your britches up by your thumbs. Keep your boots on when you ride but take your spurs off when you squat…

Ya never know what it is that is going to bite you in the ass…

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