Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Love Sex and Relationships: Part Two

Or Words, They Don’t Always Mean The Same…. So, What’s “IT” all About?

Contrary to popular belief, men do use words but they use them sparingly and their use is to stimulate action. Women on the other hand communicate to form bonds, to strengthen relationships, to express their feelings and to communicate their needs.

Words, to a man, covey action: If a man is perceived to be offensive and disrespectful to another man, he interprets it as; “This “Asshole” wants a piece of me!” He sees it as a personal attack. His system winds up ready to fight, resulting in a call to action. If a female compliments him on the cloths he is wearing he thinks, “Yes!…. She wants me. I am going to get lucky tonight.” Again, you see a call to action not a statement of opinion or process of information.

Women want to “bond” and “communicate”. They want to “understand” and “know” that their relationship is sound. Consequently, they want to “talk” where men want to keep things pretty close to their chest and not ruin a good thing by talking it to death. Not only is this action more inclined to their “call to action” motif but it also serves as a method of maintaining power in a relationship.

Power? Yes, the first one to “talk” loses…. Ok, unfair but look at it. In conversation men believe LESS is MORE, especially with women. At least that’s what he believes. He thinks you are much better at “relationship talking” than he is so why would he want to engage in a conversation where is he set up to lose before he even starts. In his mind, a no brainer! That is unless you want to talk about him, a subject he knows and is confident in, but remember if you talk about him he perceives it as a “call to action”. “Man, she’s interested. I think she LIKES me!” That is unless you start talking about what he does “wrong”. Then it is “relationship” connected, as perceived by YOU, and not something he really wants to stay around to experience.

Many women think men take relationship issues lightly and they are not serious. Consequently they feel the relationship is not important to men. They believe men close their eyes to what’s really important. When push comes to shove, many women believe men just want to do “it”. Their understanding is; women need bonding, closeness and romance but men, all they want is sex...

Well they’re sort of right, in a gross manner. Let’s look at it this way. Men believe the end result is what matters. All the roads lead to Rome so let’s just go to Rome. And if you’re in Rome, well, your doing pretty good and “all” is right with the world… When in Rome do as the Romans do…. TOGA!!!! Ok, so I’m getting a little off track… but not really.

Why is sex important to men? Men think if you’re doing “it”, then everything must be OK. Sex is a barometer as well as a stimulator! In his mind if he didn’t love you and wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t do “it” and if he didn’t want to do “it”, he’d leave… Returning the favor, if you don’t want to do “it”, he immediately jumps to the conclusion you don’t love him and you want to leave or will eventually leave when something better comes along.

He processes the situation this way…If we need to talk about “it”, the relationship, then there is something wrong. If there is something wrong, then “it” needs to be fixed. If “it” needs to be fixed, then “it” must be broken. If “its” broken, “it’s” over…Here is where “it” really gets wild. If “it’s” over, he thinks, “I’m not going to get “it” anymore.” Consequently he believes no sex, no love, no relationship, NO “IT”. If that’s true, then there is no sense hanging around. “I’m gone…”

After the initial panic of “rejection” he may stop and try to process “It” and “It” might go something like this.

If she doesn’t want to do “It” then something must be wrong with her. What’s wrong? Obviously, since she doesn’t want “It” she must not love me… If she doesn’t love me and she is still hanging around then she must be using me… “That B----! I knew it… They are all the same…. Can’t trust them... I’m gone….”

Either way in a “call to action”, “IT” is at risk and if there is no chance in doing “IT”. “I’m gone.” I call it the confusion of the “ITS”. Maybe “it’s” because “It” means so many things that we get confused. “It” means love, sex, and relationship. Consequently, when “it” is gone there is no reason to say around. So to a man, sex IS an important part of the relationship.

Why men put so much value on “sex” within a relationship? Well, to put it frankly, a man doesn’t enter into a relationship with a woman to talk, to have a companion or to have someone to do activities with. They believe that is what friends are for. What differentiates a relationship from a friendship is sex. So gals, if you want a platonic relationship, stay friends…Unless you have a friend with benefits and that is so close to a relationship one had better be pretty carful when treading on those waters.

Often, when sex begins, the friendship ends… Even then you have to be careful because men aren’t friends with women they are not attracted to. It’s primal thing…. Go figure… It appears we even risk friendships for sex…. To us sex leads to love. Love does not lead to sex. Therefore, you can’t have love without sex; at least not for very long… What you have then is a Friend.

Want to really throw cold water on a guy?…Tell him you like him. That you really enjoy his company and LOVE hanging around him… but only as a friend…. Tell him he is your “best” friend. Then go about telling him how important friendships are…. And if you believe he is looking at you and not seeing you naked… we need to talk!

Ok, maybe it is not all like that and maybe it is not all that simple. Maybe, men can communicate and focus on relationships. Maybe women are more sexual and action oriented than previously implied. Maybe men are not all sexually driven and maybe women are not all relationship focused but it is still important to realize that we all have our point in which we view and without understanding what and where that point is we all may be perceiving totally different things…

And yes, gender is an important factor. So let’s be more aware or “it”. Biological differences are different. Or you may be waiting for “it” to happen and just let “it” pass by because you are unable to perceive “it” for what “it” really is….

AS for now…. “It” is all about choice….. I’ve made mine now go make yours…. Depending on what “it” is…. I’ve had fun… I hope you have too.

Until later… Don’t let some “Reservation Recluse” tell you want to do because ya know… “it” just isn’t right…” Take a risk…. Reach out and touch someone. “It” may be the best thing you will do all day.” Depending what “it” you are talking about… Maybe all three….

No comments: