And, We Have Long Forgotten – Or That’s The Way It Seems…

I understand we have taken a giant leap into the future and endogenous expectations are quite common, but give me a break!…  Have we completely lost our minds…?

Life, love, and the pursuit of a second encounter, of even the first kind, cannot be lost in just a few short years.  Or can it?  What I am talking about is an article I finished reading, explaining to “boys”, how to treat a “girl”.  “The rules of dating”.

Now tell me, is this rocket science?  No, maybe I do not want to hear it….  I am not sure I could handle the facts… 

My Granddaughter assures me, it is true…  Boy meets girl.  Boy screws up.  It is something that has gone on for centuries but today we appear to have taken giant steps backwards.  So, does it take a degree in Rocket Science to figure this out?

What is Rocket Science in todays dating game?

Rocket Science: I remember when backyard Rockets were launched by waterpower.  Waterpower was as technical as it got…  We also played “catch and kiss” on the school playground, but I regress……

Do you remember plastic rockets and garden hoses?  Rocket Science!  1)Make sure you have  water in your rocket.  (hose), 2) Insert rocket into receptacle. (Make sure it fits.  Sometimes it was rather tight.),  3) Give it 4 to 5 good pumps and 4) pull the trigger…

 

Huston, there was no problem, other than you were washed with liquid if you did not point the projectile in the right direction or even if you did…  It was fun and everyone knew the rules, at least we thought we did.

Ok, those of you who are older that ten are getting a distorted vision….  Get your mind out of the mud and at least into the gutter…  That is not what I am talking about but then, maybe I should be.  At the rate our young men are developing, they are not going to be able to get close enough to the female species to take them to dinner, let alone “mate”… 

I know, “mate” is a word that goes beyond rocket science and is associated more with biology.  It use to have something to do with families, commitment and relationships….  Or at least entertaining.  Choosing a mate was what dating was essentially about.  It was an opportunity to test the field..  Now I guess, you don’t even have to date to mate… 

The following is a summation of the article I read, telling young men the do’s and don’ts of dating…  Something I guess, no young man knows how to do these days...  I am not sure they know whom they are dating, let alone what or where….  However, that is another story for yet another time…

Hold on to your hats, because we are going for a ride… and it might make you dizzy, wanting to throw up, when you see how far we have regressed…  I have taken some liberty with the presentation but the jest is there in all its glory.

First: Look your best…. Put a little effort into cleanliness.  A bath and deodorant might help…  In addition, go easy on the cologne. 

Second: Plan your date, or at least know where it is you want to take her; out the front door might be a start…  Be on time, but most of all; show up…   

Show up?  You have to be kidding!  No, I am not!  I guess many young men these days find that showing up is just too big of a commitment…. 

Show up?  Well, I guess that is a start…

Third:  Compliment her.  Do not insult her…  She is not your “bitch”.  She is your “date”…  Treat her like one; a “date” not a “bitch”…  Open her door...  I know she has two arms and two hands as well as you do, that is not the point. 

Fourth:  Pay attention to HER, not the girl two blocks over, who has her skirt riding close to her navel…  The other girl does not care about YOU…  The one you’re with might not either, but at least you have a chance…

Fifth: Do not rush to take seat yourself and leave her standing … or worse yet; let the door slam in her face….Let her walk through the door first.  Do not rush to get ahead of her to get the seat facing the bar.…  Pull her chair out for her, but not out from under her.  Help her be seated…  Don’t slam her to the table, like some WWF wanta be.

Sixth:  Don’t “hog” down your food as if it is the only meal you have had in three days; even if it is… wait…  Chew your food.  Do not just swallow it.  Chew it a couple of times first…

Seventh:  Do not blow your nose on the napkin, or wipe your nose on your sleeve.  Sucking down loogies and swallowing them is not the best practice either…  Get up and excuse yourself from the table.  No one wants to see Shrek escaping from either nostril.

Eighth: Talk with her and ask questions about her; do not just talk about you…  What you did during middle school basketball does not interest her.  However, asking her where she is in her “cycle” will not gather you points either. 

Ninth:  Do not play with your food, talk with your mouth full, or talk into your plate… 

Tenth:  Do not brag about your conquests with other women.  She does not want to hear about them…  Moreover, she will not believe you … You have acted too much like a fool already. 

Eleventh:  Pay for the meal.  Do not expect her to pay….  If she offers to pay, refuse…  It is your date; consequently, it is your dime…  Do not pretend to leave your wallet behind and go out to the car, leaving her with the bill...  The Bill you might be leaving her with, may be sitting in the chair at the next table….

Twelfth:  Offer your arm on a walk…  Do not walk behind her so you can look at her ass...  Walk along side her, not in front or behind her.  Walk on the outside of her, near the road…  If a car is going to roll up on the curb, let it hit you first.  Let her grab your arm. She will do this so you don’t grab her ass.  It is not as if she trusts you.

Thirteenth: Let her know you had fun and she was enjoyable company...  You can start by keep your boundaries and being respectful…  Do not force yourself on her….  It is called RAPE, not a good time.  No means no and yes, well it might mean no too.  Never kiss and tell or you will not have another chance to tell anyone… 

Fourteenth:  If you have to pass gas, excuse yourself; do not ask her to pull your finger….  It doesn’t  work, even in middle school…

Fifteenth:  Masturbation is not a topic of conversation for the first date, no matter how many times you have done it that day.  It makes you look like a loser, which is probably the case... 

Sixteenth: Bringing her a vibrator, as a gift, is not something she will show to her mother; no matter how pretty it is or how many speeds it has….  If you have already purchased it, return it; if you have not, then save your money for a Starbucks card…

So, am I completely outdated or is all this advice necessary?

I come from a generation where sticking your tongue in her ear or down her throat was not considered sexy, and commenting on her breast size would not get you another date, even if you told her more than a mouthful was a waste…  There were just some thing’s a guy did not do; at least the first time out of the chute… 

And hearing the crowd yell, “Ride em cowboy” was not one of them….

In my day, she would turn on you like an ornery bull, during Cheyenne Frontier Days, and stomp you into the DIRT.

With that said, I am going to hang my head and wonder what the h--- has happened.    

Sometimes, it just takes common sense but that means we have to have some sense to make it common and I guess we are just plumb out of that.…

So until next time, this reservation recluse is going to ponder the age of forgotten youth… and hope it is not dead everywhere.  That somewhere, someplace, sometime, there might be a young man who actually knows how to treat a girl…  And young women who actually like to be treated like one.

May the sun shine bright and the moon rise to meet the evening meadow…  We all have choices… I’ve made mine….  Now, go out and make yours….. 

Winter Perspectives of “A Reservation Recluse”.

Greetings and a bright good morning!

As I opened the door of my truck this morning, one could feel a change in the morning air.  What was crisp and bitter cold yesterday, was moist and slightly warm this morning.  The clouds hovering close to the ground blanketed the gravel road as it meandered through the woods.

 

The trees once frocked with Chrystal, diamond like moss now dripped, as if sweating after a long mid summer’s day run….  The sun, not yet playing its game in the morning air, did not reflect off the moisture, so there was no shimmer or shine…  Only the mist, which caressed the branches, making them look as if something wicked was hiding within the Scottish moors of the Highlands.

Yet this was not Scotland.. It was Montana and I was high in the Rocky Mountains questioning, “How the hell it was -53 below last night, and 43 above this morning….”  I got into the truck listening as the starter cranked the twin-powered diesel engine to life.  “Yes, life was good this morning.”  If lucky, we would reach close to 50 degrees by mid afternoon.

It does not take one long to adapt to Montana weather….  It is just the shock of the first encounter.  Either extreme, is like running head first into an invisible wall…. It stops you cold In your tracks.   You assess, adapt, and you overcome….  One has no time to adjust…..  Adjustment leaves one complacent and out here, complacency can kill you….

 

You always have to be prepared… 15 minutes away from your vehicle at -53 below and you turn into your favorite Popsicle….  A 100 degree change in the weather can leave one sliding down and over an embankment, trapped until spring thaw, as no one is likely to find you once you are off the mountain road, where there is little traffic anyway.  It leaves one thinking that “today is not really a good time to die.”  So, we take the offence and live….

 

That is what life is about in the Mountains… Living, thriving on what life throws at you, enjoying the moment rather than complaining on what was, could have been or might be;  an old concept in today’s modern world of entitlement and passive complacency, but a concept that still works and is alive here.

The trek down the Mountain was uneventful….  I followed the mist as it hit the blacktop and as I topped a small ridge, I could see the fog as it blanketed the valley below…  Some would say an inversion and bad “air” day, but it was mystical to me.... Life is good...

I am told it will be back to -10 and below soon.  With the change, we will get snow as it approaches freezing….  February is still winter in Montana…. And Spring Time In The Rockies can leave ones tongue stuck on the metal pole of a Grade School Playground.  March I am afraid might not bring us much relief either; only a clearer vision of what maybe to come….

 

Hopefully, that is water, a slow melt and spring run-off that lifts the draught we have had for the past few years….  We do so need the moisture….  But the bitter cold? 

Well, enough of my disorganized thought and rambling mind.. Tonight I head to The Original Montana Club where a quality bourbon and a good steak await….  Then again, maybe just a mineral water with a slice of lime and a vegan salad….  No, just kidding….  That stuff will kill ya..

   

So until later… the choice is yours, adjust or live… be entitled and demand or grab that brass ring with both hands and take some responsibility for yourself, your family, your county…  


All old fashion ideals, but from where I stand they are alive and well.  The world is not standing still and history does repeat itself….  Does one “Stand and Deliver” or does one give way to the tide of social pressure of compromise and complacency…  And, when does compromise eat way at ones basic values until one no long has them….  I forgot, we should not ask those questions.  It just might offend someone...

I have made my choice.  Have you made yours….  I think you have.. Now, can you withstand the consequence of that decision…  I hope so…  I stand by mine….

 

Until next time, keep your tongue off metal poles and your hands to yourself…  Talk less, listen more and for God’s sake remember that something’s are worth fighting for and other things are not for sale, no matter the price….  It’s something we all know but some of us have forgotten….