A Million Dollar Plan

Yes, it’s true; another day and NOT SO another dollar! It seems that no matter what you do the behinder you get and playing catch-up is not all that fun.

The dollar you make today has a difficult time giving you 80 cents tomorrow and somewhere in the back of your mind you question if it is really worth it. The entire struggle that is…. If you are struggling today, then what is going to make the difference in “not having to struggle” tomorrow? Ok, I know --- tomorrow never comes so you’re just stuck in a revolving door of today. That’s Ok if it is where you want to be. Its crises management and sometimes that can translate into day to day living; the daily grind of existing but not the excitement of building and growth.

We can all find various explanations for why it is and they are as varied as snowflakes in a Winters Storm. We can also identify what it is NOT. It is not managing change as we have talked about earlier nor is it desire for something different, such as a more stable financial future. It may be HOPE but it is not DESIRE. Similar yes, but different.

Reduced to its essence, HOPE is something we project as we wait for someone else to make it different. DESIRE is something we project but are moved into to doing something ourselves. Desire creates energy for change. Hope accepts where we are and wishes for something else. One is “proactive” and the other “inactive”…. I know, it doesn’t seem like it but it is true. While in a “crises” state we are busy reacting to what life throws our way. We are not “desiring” something different but “hoping” what is happening will not crush us. Until we get our mind focused and switch thought processes we continue to stay in the pattern, the rut and HOPE things will be different tomorrow. We do nothing about managing “change” today. We hock what we got yesterday in the HOPES of it being better tomorrow and put our energy into wishing for the Lottery to break our way. We get ourselves in deeper debt by hoping for a better tomorrow but in reality do nothing to change the pattern we find ourselves in today. We try so hard to cover our ASS and in turn lose our ASSETS.

Ok, I know I am being a little hard here. Yet, all it takes is a little infusion of DESIRE and your future changes. Not right away but through DESIRE one gets the strength to do what it takes, not what is HOPED for… or just wanted.

So how does this play out in real life…. Well, how about the Desire to retire at age 65 with $1,000,000.00. You can HOPE. Hope that Great Aunt Hilda leaves you the inheritance, or hope you win the lottery or hope you meet someone who will share their financial freedom with you or hope it will someday get better or you can, through desire build a plan and sick with it. A workable plan... A plan is proactive and it is about implementing “change”. Remember, if you continue to do the same things today as you did yesterday you will get exactly where you are.

So, a million dollar plan? Here is an example. NO, I can’t take credit for it but it is sound advice.


SAVING A MILLION DOLLARS STARTING AT AGE 25

You've JUST STARTED and Saved: $0 – Not much different than most of the population only you have STARTED.

To reach one million by age 65 you need to save $286 per month.

Ask yourself is it a DESIRE, a HOPE, or just a want? One of those three words will drive your actions, or inaction.

So what about Successful Savings Strategies

You're just starting your career and getting a hold of your life, so this is your chance to build a solid financial foundation. Time is on your side. Use it to your advantage.

Your first goal is to contribute enough money to your company 401(k) plan to capture your employer match. If you don't have a retirement plan at work, fund an IRA. The key is to START NOW!

You'll be investing for 30 years or more, so you can afford to keep 100% of your account in stocks.

Pay down credit cards and other high-interest debt. If you don’t have any debt GREAT! But if you do, pay it down. That will free up money to save for a house but remember a house should not be your only investment as you will always need a place to live.

Set up an emergency fund. This fund should equal three to six months of your take-home pay. Place it in a readily accessible account in an online bank that pays interest of 4% or more. Like an “Orange” account.

If you are married, look at putting the lower income away for savings and investment. Many times this is not possible but if it is do it. It will pay huge dividends in the future and worth the sacrifice.

SAVING A MILLION DOLLARS STARTING AT AGE 35

Life as got in the way and you have still Saved: 0$ - More difficult but still manageable.To reach one million dollars by age 65, you need to save $671 per month.

A little tough but still doable…. DESIRE, HOPE, or want?

If You've Already Saved: $50,000

To reach one million dollars by age 65, you need to save $304 per month.

This is better yet as you have dollars working for you already. You have been proactive, made good choices and are looking towards your future.

Successful Savings Strategies

You may be starting a family or preparing to buy a home. Balance you short-term needs with long-term savings goals. Here you have to differentiate between needs and wants. This is easier said than done and how do they support your long term GOAL? Or do they?

Although you have added responsibilities, don't neglect retirement. Responsibilities don’t have to mean “crises”. Remember to “manage change” not get caught up in “controlling process”.

Aim to save 15% of your gross income (including an employer match in your 401(k). If one parent leaves work to care for the kids, consider opening a spousal IRA.

Shift your assets to 90% stocks and 10% bonds.

Invest in a 529 college-savings plan. Many states offer a tax deduction for your contribution, and qualified distributions are exempt from federal taxes.

SAVING A MILLION DOLLARS STARTINGAT AGE 45

You've Saved: 0$

To reach one million by age 65 you need to save $1,698 per month. This is tougher as time is not on your side; consequently you have to invest more.

If You've Saved: $50,000

To reach one million by age 65 you need to save $1298 per month.

If You've Saved: $100,000 To reach one million by age 65 you need to save $861 per month. As you can see the more you have saved in the past the less you have to invest now.

Successful Savings Strategies

You may be juggling the needs of a growing family and aging parents, but don't take a break from retirement savings. Now is not the time to “manage processes”. They take the focus away from your GOAL.

You can contribute up to $15,500 to a 401(k) or similar workplace-based retirement plan this year or $5,000 to an IRA. Roll over retirement savings from previous jobs into an IRA.

Adjust your asset allocation to 80% stocks and 20% bonds.

Your kids can get grants or loans for college, but there's no financial aid for your retirement. Don't put your kids' college costs ahead of retirement.

SAVING A MILLION DOLLARS STARTING AT AGE 55

You've Saved: 0$ To reach YOUR one million dollar goal by age 65 you need to save $5,466 per month. Now that is quite a chunk of change but lets say you have already saved $200,000.00 and you have wanted to slide out of your family business to reduce stress and retire early. $200.000 now will not let you retire comfortably for 20 more years. Yet, working for 10 more years and saving around $3,000.00 a month will reach your million dollar goal…

If You've Already Saved: $50,000

To reach your one million dollar goal by age 65, you need to save $4,859 per month.

If You've Already Saved: $100,000

To reach your one million dollar goal by age 65, you need to save $4,253 per month.

If You've Successfully Saved: $200,000

To reach your one million dollar goal by age 65, you need to save $3,040 per month.

Successful Savings Strategies

Take advantage of your peak earning years to top off your savings. Don’t blow it, use it.

Add an extra $5,000 in catch-up contributions to your 401(k) savings and an extra $1,000 to your IRA.

As you near closer to retirement, reallocate your portfolio to 70% stocks and 30% bonds.

Now is the time to estimate your retirement expenses and your projected income. If you're coming up short, consider working a few more years.

It is all about DESIRE, HOPE or want…..

Yes, I do understand that for many this is a concept that seems too far in the future and way too BIG. Yet, if taken a little a time and with the infusion of DESIRE, you can DO anything! All it takes is CHANGE, the DESIRE to dream and the WILL to DO.

Ok, its here I say it’s a choice. It really is….. even the $1,000,000.00 and it is all about change. Sounds like a political speech doesn’t it? Yet, I am not talking about the HOPE for change or even change bringing about HOPE. I am talking about the action and responsibility of DESIRE; the motivator of activity; the energy behind taking that step toward reaching for that STAR. It’s all about walking the walk and paying the price of admission. It’s about showing up for practice and walking onto the field to play the game. It’s about being the best you DESIRE to be. It is about making a plan so big that it will scare you and sticking to it. It’s about excellence not perfection. It’s about YOU. Now go out and make your Choice. I’ve made mine…. Don’t you think it’s time to make yours?

Until later…. Walk with your head high and carry a big stick… There are others out there who don’t want you to succeed….

If Words Could Heal...

Would YOU?

Now that’s a concept isn’t it?

We all know how destructive words can be. How quickly they penetrate the heart and how sometimes they travel right into the soul.

Words, as we all know, can be very damaging. Yet, we seem to let them run around unfettered and unsupervised.

We often pay little attention to words and their affects on others or ourselves. When attention is paid, it is because we somehow felt the effects of the attack while words were hurled misguided and unsupervised. “Ouch”! We then brace for the next barrage and try and protect ourselves the best we can; often in a misguided attack of our own.

Minimally we retreat trying to get as much distance from the “sting” as we can…..

Yes, we all know the damage words can cause but what if they could heal? How many times would you tell someone “I Love You”? How many times would you tell someone you appreciate them or how important they are to you, in both big and small ways?

How many times would you acknowledge someone’s presence with a simple “Hello, It’s good to see you.” Or how many “Thank You’s” would you give out during the day if you really knew and understood those words could heal.

That they could heal both the giver and receiver?

Yes, we all know the damage words can cause but what about the silence that often drives the words with a vengeance; the silence which is deafening, while the words penetrate the soul.

If words could heal would you use them to break the bonds of silence which isolates us from others and ourselves?

If words could heal would you use them? Or would you be afraid they may be misunderstood or maybe commit you to something you are not committed to do. If words could heal, would you become a Healer? Would you heal only those close to you? Would you heal only those who asked to be healed?

If words could heal, would you heal yourself? If words could heal would you use them once or would you use them over and over again? If words could heal would you take the oath to “do no harm”?

If words could heal; MMMMM, what do you think? Is it worth the effort to try?

Just for today pay attention to what you think and what you say…. You also may want to make an honest attempt to better someone’s life with an encouraging word, an acknowledgement of their presence, an expression of appreciation and validation of just being who they are….

Go ahead; tell someone you love how much you care and how important they are to you. Tell someone who challenges you something good about themselves and their importance in just being who they are.

I know, it’s a risk and you might “feel” awkward but what do you have to lose; your sense of isolation, your bad feeling?

Try today to be a Healer of Words. You may be surprised at what you find and what you experience. Make today the day you understand the importance of what you say and what you think. Make today the day you understand your importance and place in the scheme of things; that to make a difference may start with a single word.

As always, the choice is yours…… I’ve made mine….. Isn’t it time to make yours?

“The Journey begins; a simple path but a decision of significant consequence.”

If words could heal?  Would YOU?

Ride Hard - Live Strong!

The Warrior Within

Ride Hard, Live Strong.

Know the difference between compassion and weakness. Strength does not come from the hardness others see but from the vulnerability within.

A Cowboys Code; maybe, then maybe not? Ideals I have heard since I was a youngster tearing up the hills on a Northern Montana Indian Reservation. It did not matter if my ride was flesh and blood or cold steel. The mantra was the same. Something I have taken with me ever since; whether from the back of a Spirited Mustang, the seat of Harley Davidson or the arms of a Leathered Office Chair.

It is a story about risk, decision and passion. It is a story about inner strength and outer focus. It is a story built on the pillars of history and the vision of the future. It is a story about living in the here and now through the eyes of a warrior.

We are all warriors or should be!

We fight battles daily. We fight to maintain our economic position or to enhance our credibility with those around us. We fight to maintain the dignity of our individualism, as well as our family. We fight, daily, not to lose ourselves to the apathy of others who believe they are entitled to what we have worked hard for. Be it position, money or relationships.

We fight daily, to keep food on the table, gas in our cars and predators away from our children. We fight daily, to gain an education, to maintain our jobs, keep our homes and as we grow older; we fight, to keep a retirement that seems to be stolen from us by a system that has no soul.

Yes, we are all warriors; as well it should be; warriors to fight for an ideal with passion and personal commitment. To Ride Hard, and Live Strong, knowing the difference between compassion and weakness. We know that true strength does not come from Hardness but from our Vulnerability to care and take personal Responsibility and Accountability.

In this day and age of uncertainty, we need to use this vulnerability to develop strength and push forward to gain what is rightfully ours. It is a time to model what it is we want and fight for what is right. It is our time. It is YOUR time. It is the destiny of WARRIORS to rise up and take a stand….

Courage comes from within, as it is a true brother to fear. The obstacle doesn’t matter, as it is a personal choice of engagement, an engagement of life; a fight for integrity and dignity of the human spirit.

In times of disillusionment, it is a choice to gain and maintain vision. It is a time to gain a warriors heart and fight for what is your true desire. To fight for what is truly important to you. A time to identify what it is you want. It is a time to envision your dreams and a time to fight for your passion.

Again, it is a choice. It’s your choice. It’s my choice…. I have made mine.  Is it time to make yours…?.

Can you find that Warrior within? The choice is easier than the path… Yet, in my world it is a choice well worth taken…. And remember,

Ride hard, live strong. Know the difference between compassion and weakness, for Strength does not come from the hardness others see but from the vulnerability within.

Until next time, this Reservation Recluse says so long…. Take a deep seat, keep your vision focused and your powder dry.. One never knows what is coming up just around the next bend….

Life Works!

Life Works - Sometimes It doesn’t…. Then Fix It…

Or No Matter Where You Go .. There You Are....

“What I’ve done and where I have been makes me into who I am but what I do today shapes who I will become.”

Are we worth it? I happen to believe we are…. Life Works!

Yes, I too believe that life throws us curve balls and sometimes we get one thrown straight to the head. That does not mean life doesn’t work. It only says we have some decisions to make and sometimes that decision is to get out of the way….

OK, sometimes we may move right into the path of a speeding bullet and yes, sometimes, Bad Things Do Happen To Good People. There is even a book with that title… It is a little about people and a lot about faith…. Check it out. Faith works too...

Who told you that in order for life to work you have to have all things your way, all of the time? And is Faith the same as Hope? Or is it a couple of steps beyond hope and more into the realm of DO? Faith cashes the check at the bank and it is predicated on action and belief… Ok, I’m being just a little unfair - but just part of the time… Unfair that is…

I am not saying life does not have its rough spots or that everything is all “roses and sunshine”. I am saying “life works” and it is up to us to “work it”.

People do not always do the “right” thing. What may be “right” for others may definitely be "wrong" for you… It is not up to others to make it “right” for YOU. It is up to YOU to make the decision if “all” is right for your world.

Whether it is in a relationship, a job or just hanging around with friends, it is up to YOU to make it work for YOU; not someone else.

It is about knowing yourself, setting boundaries, living your life to its fullest everyday and not critiquing others. Just because life, in its present state, does not set right with you, it does not mean others are wrong, wicked, evil, or vile. It might mean you are not paying enough attention to you, your needs and your responsibilities…

Too often, we wait for someone else to fill the hole we have developed ourselves… While waiting for that need to be fulfilled, the hole gets bigger. We start to become bitter and angry. We become caustic, finding fault with everyone around us; demanding others meet our standards. Consequently, we push people way while fighting with our own shadows.

Living life to the fullest means making decisions for YOURSELF, every day:

It means taking responsibility for YOU. It means identifying and setting one’s own boundaries without blaming others for not meeting your standards or for not being who you want them to be. It means doing what you need to do every day. It means you are not waiting around for someone else to change…

It means grabbing the brass ring, which is in front of you, and leaving the parasites behind. It means developing confidence in you by taking responsibility for your thoughts, your actions and your beliefs… It means taking that step towards your future, even when faced with fear and insecurity.

It means doing what you have to do to make LIFE work.

To do this, you need to keep your hand on the helm. You need to sail a Steady and True course. The problem is, we often expect clear skies and calm waters. We become afraid of the swells. Even the current frightens us, so we wait…

Eventually, we forget what we are waiting for. We only know we are not satisfied and that dissatisfaction builds upon itself. It grows exponentially and eventually, all we have in the bank is a $1,000,000.00 worth of misery…

It is easy to sit and watch life pass by. It is easy to build upon the negative of what we don’t have. It is easy to focus on how hard everything is or how unfair the world has become. It is easy to focus on how disrespectful someone else is and how that someone degrades others and us. It is easy to be victimized when we do so well at playing the victim….

It is difficult to look in the mirror, only to find the person who is victimizing you may be you.

Sometime today, take time to take a good look in the mirror... Whom do you see? Do you like the person who is looking back? Are you an accumulation of all that has happened in the past or are you a product of all that you are doing today?

You cannot change the past but today is YOURS and it builds a strong foundation on tomorrow. 
“There is HOPE in the future if there is Will today.”

It’s all about choice and the choice is YOURS… Can you make the decision to leave all the negativity behind? Will you start today? It does not matter what IT is, the formula and steps are the same….

As some ole Cowboy has already said, “It’s not the cards you have been dealt that matters, it’s how you play your hand.”

As always, it’s a choice… I’ve made mine… Will you make yours? You may find that, “It’s never too late to start, nor too early to change directions.” Something, General Custer should have said at the Little Big Horn…

I think it’s time for this Reservation Recluse to refocus and regroup. Is it time for YOU? Maybe it is. Your future awaits and your presents beacons…

Until next time, a cowboy lament…. “As you take a step into the saddle, listen for the jingle of the spurs while you burn up the prairie miles… It will keep you company and give you solace, knowing your “ass” is deep in the saddle”…

It’s all about the journey… “Life Works”

A Time To Reflect, A Time To Develop, A Time To Become

Or Stories, The Basis Of Who We Are.

As many of you know, I have asked for input from these writings.

You have responded and I truly appreciate the variety of responses I have gotten. Many have been reflective. Some have been instructive but I found the following to be most compelling .

I often talk about Thriving rather than just Surviving and the importance of telling ones STORY. The following falls into that category.  Story telling.......

The healing aspect of one’s story develops as it is told, confronted and internalized; while doing so, gaining strength from its telling.

One young woman asked, “But how do we know what the "right" story is?  And we, who are victimized by depression and rejection, often wonder if we even have a story!"  She continued, “Warriors are ones who are brave, courageous, and winners of the game! You say were all Warriors in some way! But how am I a Warrior, if instead of  defeating the game... The game always defeats me?!”

She asks a relevant question.  A question many ask as life and situations develop; contrary to what the individual intended or how they desired them to be.

We focus on acquirement, whether be it things, destinations, relationships, or even emotional continence. In doing so the game conquers, leaving us defeated. It is difficult to remember; it is not in the “game” but in the “story” that one Thrives…

Yes, everyone has a story and yes, everyone is a Warrior but a Warrior is not always traditional in bravery and courage... most of the time a Warrior is frightened as hell but does the "right" thing at the “right” time... and in that, tells the "right" story...

It is in the Story that one is defeated by the game or not.  It is in the Story, one Thrives. The Story of struggle and the gain, instead of the Story of defeat and despair.... We frame who we are around the "Stories" we tell... and in turn, our “Stories” define us.

I am not talking about any “Story”. I am not talking about fleeting fantasies. I am not talking about “Stories” you want one moment and are gone the next. I am not talking about a Friday Night pick up at the local bar.

I am talking about developing “Who” you are and “How” you frames your stature. I am talking about your Story.  Your life!

It is important that your story is "truthful".  The truth is necessary to gain the strength needed to put you on top of the struggle. In that sense, it does not matter if you find yourself on TOP of the heap. It is the struggle, not the heap that matters...  It is all in the "story".

The “real” story is in defining the “Who” rather than the “What”.

In the midst of the Reservation, the elders use to talk about the “Walk Of The Warrior”; in that, the Story was always told and from the Story, “Healing”. It did not matter “What” happened or "What" circumstance befell you, it mattered “Who” you were and "Who" you were to become.  You gained strength from the “Story” and that, ever changing, was in one’s own power and destiny to control.

You were given a new name in the celebration of your Story and your becoming ONE. It was powerful in  “old ways and traditions”. It remains powerful today. It was in the “Story” one became.  It was in the "Story" one healed and in that, becoming defined.

The past no longer defining, “Who” you were.  The past no longer defining “Who” you were to become.

It is in the "becoming" we thrive...  It is in "thriving" we become real...

The real you is what's left when all the "pulling" voices go away; the voices from peers, media, and dysfunctional family rules. It is from that inner beauty and strength we gain our compassion and energy to continue... It is in the Story of the “circumstances” and the "struggle" that we gain strength.

In these days of uncertainty, economical strife and emotional devastation, we all need to find our “story” and we need to tell it…. Instead, we are often pulled to tell the story of  circumstance. The story of loss and despair.  In doing so, we are defeated. We create a self-fulfilling prophecy of struggle with no end, then defeat. 

We focus on the what, rather than the how and forcus on what was rather than how it can be...  It is here we give into the "victim".  Losing our strength, we build a prison of dispair and a loss of hope....  We bcome what was, rather than what will be....

Now, more than ever, we need the strength that telling “ones story” can bring. Not just the circumstance. I understand, it is a fine line…. The perception of a cup half-full or half-empty but the truth is, you have the power to tell your story. You have the power to view from a different point... You may even have the duty to do it.

I know you have the strength….

So now, as usual, you have a choice to make…. Maybe, you already have and maybe, you have been telling your story for some time. If you have, you understand what I am talking about. If not, give it a try. I believe you will find your “story” and its strength worth your while.

Until next time…. As you find yourself sitting around the campfire, the night air crisp and stars bright, remember not all things that live in the night are to be afraid of and remember, most fear is bred out of uncertainty and distorted “stories”.


We all have a story to tell…. Isn’t it time to tell yours.  Isn't it time to believe in YOU?

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

What seems like the End, could be a whole new Journey!

What happens when you are no longer the desire of his affections or he is no longer the flame that warms your heart?

Do you see yourself on the couch eating ice-cream and watching sad movies or do you take that old adage that in order to get over a bad relationship you have to get under a good man? 

No matter what... As an oldie but goldie use to say, “Breaking Up Is hard To Do”.


Let’s face it. Starting over is hard and it hurts.

It doesn’t matter if you were the dumpie or the dumpor, it is an emotional roller coaster ride. It’s something we all go through but it is something we never really expect. We find ourselves looking critically at ourselves, wondering what really happened and where it all went wrong. And in reality, it wasn’t all wrong. It just IS, now.

Blaming others doesn’t work and blaming ourselves doesn’t help. What we do know is that we will heal... We all do. It just doesn’t feel that way, at least not at the moment.

Telling one to “just get over it” doesn’t work either. So what does one do?

One of the most difficult things to do is to stay away from him. Yes, you heard me right. Stay away from him. Now is not the time to be friends or try to stay connected. As women, you have that internal need to make things right and soothe troubled times…

You have that basic need to nurture, where we as males have a tendency to eat our young in order to breed.

Ok, it’s not a good trait but it is true. You may want to soothe and nurture but we want to breed. It’s not a good time to connect, even for one last time. Also, remember, guys are not friends with women they are not attracted to, so being friends with your guy you use to wake up next to is not in your best interest. Trust me….

You think that by being friends, it will either ease your pain or mend your guilt. It will do neither. It only keeps the wound open. In addition, NO, you won’t get over him but you will get past him. Getting over him implies your feelings were not real but that is one thing you do know. Your feelings were real and they are intense, no matter who orchestrated the break-up.

If only they would be a little less real! We can’t do anything about reality but we can do something about intensity.

One of the first things you have to do is reach out and connect with your friends; no, not to rehash the past and moan about the future but to live in the present. To celebrate your life and their friendship….

It is time to reconnect. Reconnect with life. When you find yourself forlorn and tearful while listening to an old song or going to a favorite “our” place, do the V8 head slap.

Wake-up Girl! What are you thinkin… Yes, I know what you’re feeling but WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!

You need to find other connections to old songs and old places…. You can’t run away from them but you can reframe them…. You can recondition old memories and make new ones. Don’t make connections where they are none.

Yes, there were connections but they are no longer. It’s time to make new ones and you can’t do that by having your head somewhere in the past. You can’t take away the pain in your heart by sticking your head somewhere in a time long, long ago…. In a time long, long ago makes for good fairytales and movie trailers but it has no place for healing broken relationships or mending shattered hearts.

The way you heal is to take time for you. It’s now time to make you as important as you had made him… Take some time to be alone and reflect on you. Work through your feelings, identifying what went wrong. Being aware of the affects this relationship has had and has, on all parts of your life. Then, work on accepting what is, rather than fighting for what once was or feeling sorry for what could have been.

Acceptance isn’t liking. You don’t have to like it! You don’t have to hate it! You just have to bring it as close to neutral as you can. You need to accomplish this before you can move forward and he can become someone of the past.

It’s time to be your best friend. Best friends reward each other. Treat yourself. Pamper yourself and celebrate you. You will soon find you are working through the pain and away from him. He will become someone who helped you become the person you are. The woman you never doubted and the person you knew you always were.

No, we guys are not Immune to breakups but we handle them differently. In this day and age of political correctness I am remise to say that gender still makes a difference. We often walk the same “path” but we are on different “roads”. Understanding this can make a huge difference in not what we do, but how we do it and how we recover from those “life growth experiences”.

Until next time…. Remember it is still a choice…. Hold on to the past or walk into the future. The choice is yours but remember, it hurts. It’s supposed to. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t real.

This too shall pass. It just can’t be avoided.

Relationships! Understanding!

They are two confusing words. 

Have you ever had your past meet you head on as you turn a corner? It blindsides you with a vengeance. The present and the past converging, taking the same space at the same time.  The mix of memories and emotion pulling you into feeling states you thought you had either lost or forgotten.  

Fair? No! But maybe necessary... 

I am sure you have experienced this, with either a past relationship or experience..  We all blend life.  Being prepared for it is something else.  The passion and intensity we feel can be just as explosive now, as it was then.  We have no filters in place, and the ones we use to use are no longer viable.   It floods ones existence. Consequently, we have no protection... 

Does that mean we are at risk?  Does that mean we need protection?  I think not...  I believe our strength can come through our vulnerability.  It can come from facing life rather than protecting ourself for it.  It can come from engaging rather than withdrawing...  But it does come with a price... 

The price? YOU!  The challenge is  to accept the reality of today, with the reality of yesterday..  Neither one replacing the other but converging, giving strength and recognition to who you are and who you need to be....   With some understanding of who you were.  It is funny how the present can shed light on the past, if given the opportunity.  At times, it can even give it meaning...

We often look at our past and question the reality of what was.  We Question what might have been or could have been.  We question how it will affect where we are or where we may be heading...  It can shake the foundation of our protected world.  But protected from what?

We seem to play this dance, be it with something of danger or someone of solace...  Something of regret or someone of passion...  Something than gave meaning to our life or someone we  barely survived...  We don't seem to differentiate between them.  We see them through the same filter...

So, is it fair to look at today through the filter of yesterday?  Is it fair to protect today from yesterday and therefore distort the possibility of tomorrow?  I am not sure I have the answer to these questions but I believe they are worth the time and contemplation. 

I find that if given the chance, finding that yesterday was real can help one not question today..  Sometimes,  we just need a little help from the past to nudge us out of the protection and complacency of today, into the possibility of the future.

I believe it is ok to take a risk.  It is ok to challenge where you are and how you got there.  It is ok to embrace your past with the arms of the present..  Only then can you really find the significance of what has made you who you are today..  And that my friend, is not all bad... 

We don't all get this chance , so if we  do, it is  important to recognize the opportunity and embrace it...  We don't have to be afraid...  It will not consume us...  But, it just may give us understanding into relationships that were never really  given the opportunity to become.....

In that, well, we find a freedom.  A freedom of the spirit and a key that unlocks the confusion of the past..

So, is it  time to make a decision?...  To make a choice?...  I've made mine.... Have you made yours...?  There are no wrong choices, only ones we have to live by...

I believe it is worth the risk...  The risk to take the road less travels..  The road left unexplored.  That road is you....

Until next time...  Throw away that map..  It just might be outdated...   What have you to lose?  What might you gain ?...  The loss of fear...  As my hand finds the safety of my pocket, my fingers tremble with anticipation..

If the  present is the mixture of yesterday, merged with the essence of today, building the foundation of tomorrow...  Then, shouldn't we be fully active today?

Slowly my hand emerges, my fingers relax.  My palm reaches out.  Will yours?

We Rock Our World

Or How We Think Is What We get!

"We become what we think about all day long.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“People are about as happy as the make up their mind to be.” – Abe Lincoln

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” – N.V. Peale

“As you think, so shall you be.” – Jesus Christ

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”-Shakespeare

What do you believe? Is it true? Are these great thinkers of our time right? Are our thoughts powerful enough to direct how we feel? If this is true, then it only makes sense that the “good” or “bad” of our reality is simply a matter of how we perceive our world. Perception, then becomes ones Reality.

What do you think? What do you believe? Is it something you can buy into, or NOT?

If we habitually think in certain patterns, will it change our moods? Is it possible that our thoughts are that powerful? Does habitual thought in a negative, sour manner really affect our mood?

If it does, it would mean our mood directly follows our thoughts. These thoughts would then lead us to choose a label, which develops into a feeling; a feeling, which moves to become the foundation of our disabling emotions. It’s like a huge, ugly emotional iceberg waiting for the Titanic.

That’s a lot to believe… It leaves us with significant Responsibility; Responsibility for what we think, what we believe, what we feel, and what we do. And like the Titanic, it was not what was on the surface that sunk it. It was what was underneath, hidden below the surface.

Noted Psychologist Paul Haulk thought so and it is the foundation of today’s “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy”. He believed if we continued to think in negative patterns our mood would follow our thoughts, causing feelings and disabling emotions of Depression, Anxiety, Anger, and Sever Inadequacy.

Defeating these four horseman of the apocalypse would then be a matter of recognizing the faulty or irrational thought patterns and replacing them with more truthful, less distorted, positive patterns and beliefs.

Do you think it is possible that our thoughts really do create our reality? Do you believe it is possible to “think” our way into an anxious world, a depressed one, or an angry one? Do you believe we can influence our emotional moods by what we think? And if so, can we then, in turn, change our experiences, behaviors and ultimately our world?

“The Secret” says we can…. “Jesus Christ” said we could. Even “Abe Lincoln”, who suffered from a severe mental illness himself, said we could.

Is it really all about choice? I know, if you have been reading any of my previous Blogs you will know that I believe it is all about choice. The question is, do you?

If you find yourself “Rocked” by your world instead of “Rocken” your world, you might want to try it. What do you have to lose, Negative thinking? Well, that’s not the end of the world even if you don’t gain anything else. A little dose of positive reality never really hurt anyone. You might even find that the suffocating hold the world has around you loosens a bit and that external things and events don’t have to control your life.

For some of you it is not a stretch, as you have already experienced this. For others, it is as if I am asking you to jump to the moon or at least off a cliff. Give it some thought, No not the cliff jumping….. and let me know, OK? I would like to hear YOUR STORY… It could “change your world”. Maybe it already has.

As for now, this Reservation Recluse has to say so long…. I have bullets to bend and maybe, so do you…

Until next time…Ride with a purpose. Sleep like a baby and Make Love like a hooker, paid for a million dollar night. And remember, it’s Your Reality, make the most out of it! No one can live it quite like YOU!

I have made my choice… Now go make yours…

Musical Beds - An Equal Opportunity Employer

Or Is It Just An Exaggerated Response?

Do men really “sleep around” more than women or is this just a perception?

We all hear of the “stud muffin” who “beds” all that he sees and racks up numerous points on his “tally sheet”.

Is this a “fact” or a “figment” of his imagination?

Well, it appears that men are not all that good at keeping track of their extracurricular bedtime activities…. Ok girls, you are right. This is no news to you… You already knew this. You know he has not slept with you, no matter how good he tells everyone he is and to your knowledge he has not slept with any of your girlfriends either….…..

MMMM, what does this tell us about “reporting”?

Men it seems, tend to over exagerate and over estimate their sexual history. I know it’s a shock… Go figure… Research will soon be telling us that the “common measurement” is not true either; 8 inches is, in reality, only 4.5 and anything over 6 inches is not common either… then again, maybe some of you already know this.

Researchers, at the University of Alberta, think they have found a reason for this exaggeration. They found that “men” could not remember who they had been with and would “roughly” estimate their number of sexual encounters.

Women, on the other hand, remembered each of their partners and could easily keep a running tally. Two out of three women remembered who, where, what and when. They reported an average of 6.2 lovers, where men not likely to remember, left their calculations to guesswork… They reported an average of 11.9 bedtime partners…

It leaves me to question what body part was the .2 and .9. MMMMM, maybe that’s another story for yet another time.

Now for me, it leads to another question. If every time a man sleeps with a woman, a woman sleeps with a man. Does that mean that some women are getting more than their fair share? Or does it reinforce men’s exaggeration and guess work at figures as well his lack of paying any real attention to the matters “at hand”? Or is it simply those men like to see themselves as “greater lovers” and tend to believe their own “press”?

The other option is that there really are a few “Don Juan’s” who possess that “magic touch” and bed all within their sight line. I guess that explains the abundance of satisfied sheep along Interstate 5 going through Wyoming…. These Don Juan’s could have “skewed” the scale and screwed the, nah… I won’t go there… That really is another story for yet another time…. Promise!

Take this and couple it with a similar study from the State University of New York that found both men and women underestimate their partners past sexual history… I guess we all want to be the “man” and find our partner less experienced, even when that may not be the case… Perception, as they say, is our reality…

As for now, it’s time for this Reservation Recluse to engage in some fresh fieldwork… Now, do I ask myself these questions before I “score”, or after YOU score? I think I am confused…  Score?  Is that like the line on a peice of glass before your break it?

It seems it just might not be relative, as I may have already lied to myself before I lie to you…. If that’s the case, maybe it’s best to put all into the moment and take that 8-second ride… Only this time…. Remember her name… It may help the next time you take a jump out of the chute while going for another round.… then again “bragging rights” don’t have to be based in reality…. Just ask that fisherman-standing waist deep in water… He will tell you all about the ones that got away and about the one’s he has “mounted in the past”.

And as for you gals, we know you remember, but do you also consume what you flay? Sometimes it is all the same to US…. Maybe that's where we get messed up in the counting…. Or NOT…

Remember, making memories is what it’s all about, not keeping score… Or is it? I can’t seem to remember but I recall…..

Until later, it’s time to make a choice… I’ve made mine…. What is yours going to be? 6.2 or 11.9?

In your experience, does any of this really hold water? Let me know. I am anxious to hear.

Want - Need - Desire

The want to connect, the need to touch and be touched with the driving desire to f**k.

These are three of the major ingredients for passion that are held together by imagination and the instinct for selective risk…. Is this what makes one attracted to another?

With men, such a combination often triggers their need to protect, coupled with their need to breed. It is a combination, which many would say is instinctual. Some argue that it is not a need but an instinct. Some may call it manipulative. I call it natural. In this age of political correctness and asexual beings, it is something many are afraid to admit and few address.

He finds himself fully aware of her essence. The way she moves, the way she smells. The manner in which her eyes play with his, her smile. She moves her body in feline movements, seductively, with purpose and control - the rhythm of her moment defining the existence of the hour.

Held captive by her touch, he senses the warmth of her skin and the softness of her body. She nestles within the safety of his arms. He is lost in the moment of time. Rules define the moment, her rules. She demands he take control, knowing that he can’t or won’t. It is not in the definition, it breaks the instinct. It manipulates the need. It reduces the desire….

Yet, it fuels the passion and the fantasy.

Fantasy, the picture that is played out within one’s mind, the seductive pull of its gravitational force makes it difficult to resist. It is the experience where you are the center of the universe. You are the main character and the center stage.

Our need to be valued and being the center of interest is vital. If even for a few short minutes, reality can transform into a moment of fulfillment and for many it is enough. It does not matter if it is exercised in the Bedroom, the Boardroom of a Corporate Office or the VIP room of a Gentleman’s Club. We pay the price for that acknowledgement and attention. For that moment, it is real. For that moment, it is enough.

We all pay the price of admission. The price is high but often worth it. “We all need to be “Center Stage” at some Time and to Someone”.

The allusion of this dance seldom sustains us for long. If we extend our stay, it takes its toll and begins to drain the energy from us, until we become less than. We become a shell, functioning but with little energy and little real life. We perform. We function. We exist. We have all been there. We just have to admit it. Maybe we are there now, the passion gone.

Whether this dance is played out within Romantic Relationships, Career Moves, or the Work we have to do to get through the night, we sacrifice in order to make a better Day. In our mind, we make justifications and these justifications become real. They are just hollow. They are dangerous.

So, to what extent do we sacrifice our intentions for our desires? And are our desires enough to sustain our passion - the want, the need, the desire? … Primal or developed, at what interval do we stop the merry-go-round and decide to get off. At what juncture do we decide to stay? If it truly is about our wants, needs and desires, at what point do we go outside of ourselves and think of others.

The common denominator in this is “you”.

The common denominator is “you”, but none of it can be accomplished in a vacuum. It is all about the interchange with another, our wants, our needs, our desires. We tend to understand this in terms of Romantic Relationships and even in some fashion with Careers, but what happens when it falls outside these two boundaries or definitions?

In our search for understanding, connectedness, and value, do we discredit ourselves by not fully exploring “possibilities”? Are we afraid we will fall back into old patterns and entrapments? Are we afraid to lose the “reality” of the “fantasy”, even if it is for length of a 3-minute interlude? Are we afraid of what others might say or how others may interpret our intentions. After all, we have talked before on how it is all about perception…

I think it boils down to sensuality and making peace with being a man or a woman. It comes down to being comfortable within your own skin and coming face to face with your own wants, needs, and desires. Maybe it comes down to Passion, and doing so with all the Masculinity and Femininity you have. Maybe that’s all we really have. Maybe it’s all we really have to offer. Maybe it’s all we really have to get.

So, the next time you come face to face with your Wants, Needs, and Desires, take the time to fully explore the consequences. Maybe it’s time we become less afraid, maybe it’s time to take more risks. Maybe it’s time to take charge of who we are so we can embrace who we are becoming.

Maybe it’s time to stop forcing ourselves to do or be someone we no longer want to be because of the choices we have made, which no longer govern what we will continue to do. Maybe it’s time to see ourselves as vital and worth the value a chance encounter might give to you. Maybe it’s time to accept the “gift” with no strings, just because of who we are. Maybe just being ourselves is gift enough and that connectedness, that touch, that desire, is truly enough. Maybe, it is enough for you to take a chance. The chance to step outside ones comfort zone and risk growth. Maybe, you already have.

As I have stated, this can be applied to most anything. All we have, to take to the “game”, is ourselves. I happen to think it is enough....

I have come across individuals, in my life, who have become important to me… For no other reason than who they are. They have touched a chord and triggered a want, a need and a desire… I have met others. In the least expected places and at the least expected times, people do immerge in one’s life. It is my turn to say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to see the vulnerability in you that keeps me in touch with me… my wants, my needs, my desires…

If we keep ourselves open to these encounters, we find unexpected gains…. The honor is all mine. The gift, YOU.

Moments in time, taken without expectation are all fulfilling; Yesterday, only a prelude for today and today, solid enough to build Tomorrow.

This Reservation Recluse had better call it quits. Too much makes too little sense and if it doesn’t, maybe we are both in trouble. So as usual, it is a choice… What do you think? It is time to make yours? Have you already? Do you have the Want, the Need, the Desire? Are you willing to take that next step? Let me know what you think.

So until next time…. Like the song says, “Tequila makes her cloths fall off”. "Jose you are a friend of mine"… Ok… maybe not but it’s a thought… No want, No need, No desire… Just Reaction?

Maybe a discussion for next time….

Communication Or Lack There Of

Communication, Is it the ability to express an idea or to hear one? Is it best to keep ones mouth shut and ears open or open your mouth and just block out what you hear?

Sometimes, both? Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil.....

When your head in the sand, then your ass is in the air.... Very tempting to kick by the way..... A diversion true but still tempting...

They say "shallow brooks are noisy", "still waters run deep" and "one should not live in glass houses". I understand the glass house thing... No insulation and in the Montana Mountains, you need insulation. As for brooks and deep waters, well I suppose a little spring rain might just change those two a whole bit....

So, none of it really makes much sense...

With the advent of "smart phones" came "stupid people". Guess you can't have one without the other... It is balance and in its own way, "fair"... According to our Government, things have to be "fair" now days... Haven't you heard? I think I would rather have "smart people" and a few "dumb phones". And don't get me started on the Government.

I really don't need a "phone" to look things up for me, to remind me when I'm late or wake me up in the morning... I had a mother and have a wife. Why do I need a "smart phone"? Ok, you are right, smart phones don't cook, wash or iron either...

For that matter... No, I had better not go there..... "Smart" ? Well, I'm not a phone..

I am told that men came into their own with "smart phones". What does that mean?... That we are... Now, I get it....... Nice try ... But then, you might have something there....

We, the male species, are not much for communication. For the most part, we would rather do something than talk about it... Act rather than listen and turn a deaf ear rather than figure out a tirade of feelings about what we are doing wrong...

You, the female gender, talk about something that bothers you. We want to fix it.... You complain about the service in a certain store and we wonder why you keep going back... We see you with your head in the sand and your butt in the air, well, we.... You get the idea, we don't really wonder "why" your head is in the sand.... We figure you put it there for a reason....

As for the Government, well "for and by the people" does not seem too mean much anymore...

"Working" for what you get and "deserving" what you "got" seems to have no place in a society hell bent for trading freedom for safety and a rule book of laws for common sense and courtesy... It is sort of like, no matter where you go there you are and it really does not matter how you got there.

Only, what are you going to do now? Wait for fairness, complain about inequality or do something to communicate your stance, then do something to mitigate your position ... You can stand with your head the sand or position yourself in a cranial rectal invasion... The view is all the same...

I hate to tell you, it matters little...

"Smart phone" or not... Communication of an idea is non existent at home or the country. It takes a collaborative effort, not a polarized view and adversarial stance... And I am not sure how much "true grit" we have anymore...

It takes "Grit" to develop an idea and take a stance... It takes "Grit" to express an idea and work through to a collaborative agreement... It takes "True Grit" to not compromise but work through to an ending, truly agreeable and workable to both sides..

It takes a stance.. It takes communication... It takes Grit. Wow, back to that word again... But I ask you, when has stance, communication and grit become dirty words...

When one compromises ones value, is that good? Compromise does not mean coming together in collaborative agreement... Communication does not mean letting someone over run you with ideology that undermines your core values... Communication does not mean you can't speak your piece and to collaborate one does not have to compromise ones values or position...

One does not have to give away basic rights and fought for freedoms. One does have to stand. Stand for what you believe. Stand for where you have come. Stand for where you are going... Maybe, making a "stand" is the first part in good communication..

Remember, if you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there and if you don't know where you are, someone will take you by the nose and place you where they want you be; telling you what to think, how to to behave, what to feel and how good you have it since you are now taken care of and safe... After all, we need to compromise for the good of the "state", for the good of the "family"... No need to communicate... We have compromise.....

Well, this reservation recluse has made a decision. ... I saw a sign. It said, "We don't call 911 here". Is that a decision, a stand, or a direct line of communication?... Well, what I am sure of is that it is no compromise....

So until later, keep the cotton out of your ears, your hands away from your eyes and keep your mouth full of words that define your character and the road you run on... The rest? Well, it just might make a collaborate decision out of a compromised condition...

Keep your rifle ready, your powder dry and your ass on a fine running horse..

A Time For Ourselves...

Those of us who have been around a while, often come to the realization that the “static” of life can get overwhelming, the demands become too much and we find that instead of making "the difficult choices",  we find ourselves trying to please...   That placing one foot in front of the other seems to drag the other back and instead of getting further ahead, we find ourselves dragging our behind....  Sound familiar?

Sometimes we just need to find ourselves alone with our own thoughts, on our own time, in our own space..   This is easier said than done, as the world often comes crashing in with a vengeance and we “find” that time is allusive.

It is vital that we find “time” for ourselves.  To find that time to listen to our own sense of self.  To pay attention to our own needs, our own wants and our own desires...  Maybe it is important to pay attention to ourselves; to reconnect with what is important.  Maybe it is important to hear one’s own voice in the wind and take the time to revitalize our mind, our body and our spirit...  

Maybe it is important to reconnect with who we were and more importantly, who we are, as we grow into who we will beome..

Sometimes, it helps to put yourself in natures care.  Things do not seem so gigantic then.  I find the ocean makes one realize how insignificant our troubles can be in relation to the whole and the hot sand how significant a moment can be.

Earlier today I watched a young girl find her solitude on the early morning beach.  I felt as if I were intruding on her special time...  I gave her, her space and careful not to intrude, I made my way around another point.  It led me into a jungle covered path, away from the beach.   Here too was solitude.  I realized that one could find peace of mind anywhere if given the opportunity.  The key was to identify it, acknowledge it, and then accept it.... 

On my return, I walked past the point where I first saw the young girl...  In her place was a mermaid made of sand.   The water slowly washing away at the form and I wondered what figure was true...  And wondered what essence would transpire the next time I walked in solitude and found self in the Essences and Solitude  of another....

In order to keep true to our nature, we must keep true to ourselves... 

As I find myself far away from the Rocky Mountains I find that one can find that truth most anywhere, if one cares to look; in the Rocky Mountains, the jungle of a distant island or the golden beach of the Hawaiian sand...

I find there is significant truth in the saying, "No matter where you go, you have to take yourself along.." and, "If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there."

As you contemplate today’s journey, may you enjoy your own company and have a purpose in your travels... 

So until tomorrow, this Reservation Recluse wishes you safe passage.  The decisions you make today will be the foundations of your tomorrow..  I have made mine, now go make yours…

Until later, Mahalo