Regulator on Relationships And You

Have you ever wondered if you were the only one in your relationship who really cared? That maybe you have been putting more into the “everything” than anyone else? Where do we draw that line between being used by giving too much or having the faith in someone to love you just as much as you love them? When do we put a regulator on our affection or start counting reciprocal events and placing them on a “care” meter? Or should we be doing it at all?

You know what I mean. It’s the place where you begin to wonder if the relationship you had is really the relationship you have or maybe you were just waiting for the “other shoe to drop” as it all seemed too good to be true. No matter what stage you found yourself in, you find that you are at a loss for answers as well as reassurance. That though, does not stop your friends from their opinions or “in your best interest” dictums. While you are confused and know nothing, they for some unknown reason know everything.

It seems like everyone knows what’s best for you except YOU. So where does one start?

Like good sex I believe there are some guidelines. You first have to know YOU. What are your needs, your wants, your desires? What are you really asking for; emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Next you have to communicate what they are. In doing so, you will have identified your fears as well as what may be motivating you in this relationship. Are you seeing someone’s POTENTIAL and therefore expecting Change. Are you seeing what could be rather than assessing if what you have in the relationship is valuable and good enough not to develop but to cherish and keep? Are you counting on your feelings to spearhead the relationship with hope all else will follow?

Do you feel valued in the relationship not only by what the other says but in what they do as well? Or is your relationship filled with broken promises of change that seems to never last. Do you find affection to be one-sided and the other indifferent to you or your needs for mutual affection? Have you been honest with them as well as yourself? Or are you afraid that such “honesty” will be the last wedge in driving you apart?

It is not unreasonable to want someone to care for you as much as you care for them but it is unrealistic. Just like being afraid of rejection or fear of losing something you really never had in the first place; not unreasonable but highly unrealistic. In the end our own insecurities drive us away from what it is we are seeking. If we do this enough we then find rejection before we even begin.

Do YOU think it is time to take a good look at YOU and what YOU have instead of what YOU don’t? If what YOU have is not what YOU want then maybe YOU owe it to YOU to do what it is necessary to get it. Sometimes that means change and other times it means putting value on what it is YOU already have. It all starts with YOU. Maybe it ends with YOU too.

In either case remember that relationships don’t make you happy, you do. What relationships can do is add value to your life, building on what you already have….. So if your partner is not what you want… Maybe it’s time to make a change….. The change? YOU! If a partner is what you are seeking…… Maybe it’s time to make a change.... the change? YOU! The cardinal rule with both sex and relationships is that you first have to be comfortable with YOU before you can give or receive from anyone else…. Without it, it’s just all fluff and no depth… Which means it can be great for a short time but it is also short lived….

So as usual… It’s choice and the choice is yours… I’ve made mine…. Is it time to make yours?

It all reminds me of a quote by some forgotten reservation recluse.

“Journeys begin within the soul. Is yours ready to make the trip?”