What Men Look for In Women - Part Two

Or Drawing to an inside straight, it’s not a perfect deal.

For years, it seemed men did not appreciate or value intelligent women. It made them toooo hard to control. In addition, men appeared to fear things they couldn’t understand or manage… Heaven forbid if a woman made demands on a man or held her own space. Years ago, men did not seek partners; men sought roles - Mothers, Maids, Sexual Surrogates, and possibly Companions. They sought dominance, or so it appeared. After all, it was a man’s world... or so they thought…. If truth were told, I believe men have sought out women of intelligence and confidence for years… They just did not marry them… but they needed them nonetheless.

Many men did not see the value of “book smart”, even for themselves… An eighth grade education was valued as good enough, maybe even overly educated. However, they did see the value in being street or field smart… Men did see the value in pairing with someone who could pull their own weight and complement him. Many men just did not see the value in complementing them…. I hope males have grown a little and matured in this area for, in today’s world, a partner has to challenge your thoughts and stir your emotions if you are going to survive. These challenges have to start at home with ambition and drive... We don’t have the luxury of isolation and our world is not small. It is too difficult to be that island unto oneself. Whether it is in the bedroom or the boardroom.

So finding a partner or friend who is intelligent, confident, filled with ambition and drive is important to men... It always has been. Men don’t want women to become their mothers, stubbornly telling them, teaching them, trying to change them, tracking their every move, and/or correcting them. Mothering is what you save for your children, not your mate or your friend… It is not a characteristic men value when it is applied to him.

When the dust settles and the pot stops its boil, most men complain about women who are selfish on good days and just plain “bitches” on bad days. From them men learn that it’s all about her and consequently, it leaves little time for him. Men look for and value being the center of affection, her affection. Men value the strength of a Good Heart… Men want women to have the allure of Sexuality and the Sensuality of being female.

Men don’t want women to look like him, think like him or be him. Men relish the difference. Men though, have to remember to give as much as they receive. Men need to offer the compassion, sincerity, and warmth they value in her, in return. Men need to reciprocate this or it does not stay… Even though men value this, they often find it difficult to give in return. Hence, men are often seen as egocentric and selfish when it comes to relationships. The simplicity of give me a beer, a burger and oral sex wins. It just isn’t totally true.

Simply, men value that you value them. Next, they value your wit, your charm, your intelligence, your honesty, your looks, your respect, and your love. As I’ve said before, men are at times greedy and selfish. In being so, they often lose sight of what is most dear. Men often don’t see what is before them nor do they nourish it. Men can be short sighted and in being so, he is not aware of what or who stands right before him. What many women feel is something they believe men should just know; men don’t. It is important to tell him, not assume he knows. Something many women refuse to do, at least in a healthy productive manner.

Men want to please as much as women do but we first have to become aware.

Men are constantly aware of their instinct to breed and to protect… They understand and accept it is just a part of who they are. It does not define who men are and it does not define what they value nor does it replace what they want, need or desire… It is just a part. Men are not complicated; just take the time to ask one. Men also know what they value does not come without its price… And yes, some men are not willing to pay it… Some women demand payment before giving…. Sometimes, it just happens…. No strings, No payments…

The price is ongoing and variable. The gift is a relationship. Is it worth the price? Is it worth the value? Is it worth the energy? Is it worth the sacrifice? Is it worth the satisfaction and fullness of a heart that is nourished and cared for? Only you have the answer.

As for LOVE, men seek it as much as women do. They just don’t know how to approach it. While there are different things that make men happy, sex is a huge part of this equation. Remember the instinct to protect and breed. It is something that is a part of men. Although contrary to what many believe, sex is not his only priority. Men also value love. They do ride for the brand as some western writers would say, but men approach it from a different position…. They take a different seat in the saddle. Respect, humor, intelligence, honesty, charm and yes love are all parts of his equation, not just sex. As some salty ole cowboys use to say, “Find a woman with a heart of gold and you have found the “Mother Load.” Men just don’t want to be left with the papers of a dry hole and holding his own shaft…. That’s where the distrust comes into play. It does not have to be constant but it does need to be consistent. Therefore, all the above needs to be real, as he will eventually see through fake. Fake is almost impossible to sustain… Men want women to be real, not perfect.

What do men value… we value YOU… and we want YOU to value US… It sort of sounds like an old Rambo movie doesn’t it but it is true. And that my friend is a choice… I know… Choice... We have all heard it before. I’ve made mine… Isn’t it time to make yours…? Maybe this time of year says it all. We are told that it is better to give than to receive… and in turn, we receive more than we could ever give…. Now is not the time to wait.

Maybe, just maybe if we would listen a little more and exhibit a little more patience both genders would be more satisfied. In this way, one may not be much different from the other.

Until later, this Reservation Recluse has some field research to complete…. So until next time…. Pull your britches up by your thumbs. Keep your boots on when you ride but take your spurs off when you squat…

Ya never know what it is that is going to bite you in the ass…

What Men Look For In Women - Part One

Or the ten best things are not FREE...

I am going to go out on a limb with this writing. As usual, it may not be politically correct but I do believe it “rings” with a slight bit of truth. At least as truthful as some women believe we can be. When push comes to shove, the men in your life will agree that in the “pursuit of happiness” and that “perfect” partner we do have our ideals. It doesn’t mean we get them. And in looking for them, it doesn’t mean we won’t “settle for sex”. It’s something we do value as well as desire.

Although in settling, it doesn’t mean sex is what we would prefer…. Now, what do you think about that? Even though sex is important, it is not everything… I know: it was even difficult to say….

There have been numerous poles and studies that try to quantify and objectify the male/female interaction game. We have talked about some of them in past writings. However, when men are asked what they look for in a woman, there is agreement. First, men and women are not equal. We are not the same and one cannot readily assume because you need “X” then he or she needs it too. One should not assume what makes you happy will make the other happy. Although I have heard this said numerous times, “If momma is happy, everybody is happy...” “If mamma is not… then”… well, you get the picture… And yes, in real life there is a ring of TRUTH to that too.

So what do you think? Do men prefer women with a perfect body, a perfect face, a perfect gait, a perfect conversation? Do men look for a relationship and then try to fill in the gaps or do men look for certain characteristics in a woman to find the perfect relationship? Or do men even care about relationships?

Believe it or not, men do care and they identify Charisma as one of the characteristics that draw them to women. If she can make him smile then she has the ability to be a good ally, a good partner, maybe even a good mate. That charismatic smile can get her into or out of almost anything. You know what I mean. You have seen it. You may even have fallen under its spell. You may even have it. This charm can draw women to men who are not as “good-looking” as others are in his little black book. Not saying he “should” have a little black book mind you or that he does.

Have I backpedaled enough? Ok, let’s continue! Charisma is a leveler. The appeal that lets a woman get away with things good looks can’t. Charisma is a tool when used right, can be very POWERFUL, and enticing. Charisma is old fashion Charm and in the “Ring”, it will out score and “knock out” good looks most of the time.

We don’t like to admit this but it is something we all know about men. Even with the above information about Charm, “A knock out figure and a pretty face is difficult for a man to resist.” While this is not the number one characteristic for men, I can’t say it is not important. Men are visual. If she pleases his eyes, she excites everything else. You will find men do not hang around women they don’t find attractive. While this is not true with women, it is true with men. Is this shallow? Maybe, but maybe it is just truthful. Therefore, if you are feeling “frumpy” and unattractive, he will that see too. If you don’t care if you’re “frumpy” and dress unattractively, he will see that as well. He will see what you feel; it’s not fair but true.

Think about that for a while. “He will see what you feel.” A little frightening isn’t it. And if you don’t care about you, well he won’t care about you either. Therefore, caring about how you feel and how you look is important.

Now, the standard men make judgments by is variable. Not all men find the same woman attractive but remember if you don’t feel attractive, he will not find you attractive…. Moreover, for males, attractiveness is not who his friends tell him is hot. It is the women who he notices, that notice him. In addition, if he can’t see himself next to you in the morning, then maybe it is more about sex than a relationship…. Not bad but it’s not the whole enchilada.

What attracts men to relationships and what attracts men to bed are not necessarily the same. More often, it is the manner in which you handle yourself that attracts him to you, not necessarily how you look. The package is important but the presentation is everything!

Men also value Truthfulness and Sincerity… Sort of sets you back doesn’t it but it is true. When all is said and done, men want to be able to trust the woman he is attracted to and be able to confide in her. As a whole, men are not overly trusting of women. He views women as game players and manipulators of relationships.

I think you will agree most successful relationships are built upon trust and honesty. Trust and Honesty are the foundation of any long lasting relationship. Any other foundation does not last or constantly needs rebuilding…. As for men, remember in order to receive honesty and trust you have to be honest and trustful but be careful you don’t give her more than she cares to know. “Does my butt look too big in these jeans?” “Have I gained too much weight?” “Do you think she is pretty?” Don’t go there! Honesty has its place. It’s just not here. It’s Information she does not want and more than she cares to know.

With Truthfulness and Trust often rides RESPECT. A characteristic man often chooses over love. If you ask men what they value more, love or respect, many will say respect. Men often correlate respect with love. They think, “How can you love me if you don’t respect me.” Men are sensitive to criticism from women. They feel their innate duty to protect and breed is threatened and they question their worth. Afterall how can he be of worth to someone who doesn’t respect him? How can he be worthy of her love when he can’t protect her? How can she be attracted to someone who is less of a man? I know, you think it is a little twisted but many men think this way. Love has little to do with it when his self-worth and masculinity are threatened…

Men find it difficult to be with women they are not attracted to… How can you be with a man you don’t respect? It’s just how men process things. It just is… It’s just one way men are different from woman.

Respect is about praise as well as constructive criticism. It is not about “shutting up” or “telling it like it is”… It is more in how you do, than what you do and humor is essential. You just have to be careful that the humor is not at his expense… that’s just mean. As for men, he needs to let you express yourself. He needs to listen more, pay attention more, and remember that actions speak louder than words… As you Respect him, he needs to Love you…

It’s always nice to get that “at a boy” when we do something right but in building a trustful, respectful relationship we also need to know when we cross over that line. It is important to know when we’re wrong as long as we are not demeaned and made to feel like “crap” in the process. Sadly, we only know who is naked in the hot tub when everyone gets out. That takes risk…

There are many studies which state Humor is a characteristic women rank highly in males. Do men rank it highly as well? Yes they do. Men value a female who can put a smile on his face at the end of a hard day. He values a female who can make him laugh when things are not necessarily the best. He values a woman who can smile even when things are challenging. He values strength of character that takes the dark out of darkened skies and the smile that says she is glad she is a part of his life. Men see woman who can’t smile and who don’t laugh as a potential burden. A thorn in his side that will someday rupture and poison what is around him.

So ladies, if it is too much of a challenge for you to find the positive in him, you will start to push him away. If you can’t show him value by bringing brightness to your eyes and a smile on your face, you will make him doubt. If you can’t see the positive in him and your surroundings, you will start to lose him. He will personalize this behavior. He will gradually be drawn to people and situations where he can sense a slice of confidence, humor, and brightness within a cloudy day. Men value women who are able to put a smile on his face and hers. It lifts the weight of difficult days. It allows him to be vulnerable within her arms and feel safe within her company. However, be careful… Men do not value clowns…. Humor at his expense is not attractive. Humor at her expense is just as bad. Men see and experience it as disrespectful. And if he feels disrespected, he does not stay…

I have given you some food for thought. Nothing many of you did not already know and some of you would like to forget. But since this is a two part series, I want to challenge you. For the next few days, try putting a smile on your face and a sparkle within your eye. Be the ray of sun that pushes away the clouds on that stormy day. Criticize less and understand that Respect for him is Similar to love for you. Yes, men want you to “stand by them”... But not brainless. Sexy, cute and stupid does not really work. It really didn’t work in the past and it doesn’t work now.

Attractiveness is vital but what is more important is you feel attractive and work to that end. We see what you feel. If you don’t care about you, we won’t care about you either.

Remember, don’t be too quick to judge or too harsh in judgment. Give it some thought. We’re not perfect. We’re not you. We don’t want you to be us. So until next time, this Reservation Recluse is going to cut the cards and deal another hand. Finding that perfect someone is like drawing to an inside straight, difficult but it can be done.

We just have to understand each other a little more and that takes staying in the game.

Love Sex and Relaionships: Part Three

Or Men and Their Vulnerability. Is It Just An Excuse?

Women need to know that it is in men's nature is to protect their vulnerability and they protect it at all cost. He will say “I’m fine,” even when you are 100% sure that he is not. He can be drawn and quartered by four horses and you can ask him how he feels. He will say, “Fine.” “Right!”

Remember, he will protect his weakness at all cost. To show his weakness shines a spot- light on his vulnerability. He sees it as a betrayal of himself and he loses status. He doesn’t want YOU to think he is an Oscar Myer “Weenie”. He needs YOU to see him as the “Beer Baron Sausage”, living large as “Bob” would say.…. He doesn’t want his girlfriend or wife coming to his aid like “Wonder Woman”. He then reacts with a perceived loss of respect and admiration. YOU, being Wonder Women doesn’t make him Superman or a Sir Galahad.

So if he doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, does he want to hear? Ok, so your not too sure if he “hears” either, at least when it is important to you. Well, that’s a tough question and I am not sure there is an answer but there are things he does not want to hear and when he does, this is what he hears…

“Honey, we have to talk…..” The bomb just dropped. He thinks, NO, YOU have to talk. I’m OK! It’s your issue. There are no we’s here. It’s your need to talk and you have to talk and talk and talk and talk…….…. So, if you really have to talk, keep it direct, simple and to the point. Remember, he perceives things as “call to action” not a “sharing” of important information.

Another verbal arrow of misfortune is; “Honey, what are you thinking?” His thoughts, like his answers, will be simple. So if you are lying in post-coital comfort and he answers “Pizza, he really means Pizza. He does not mean that you have the skin of pepperoni or that you are round like a pizza or that your thighs need less pizza. It doesn’t mean he didn’t just have the best sex ever or that you didn’t “rock” his world. He just means pizza. His thoughts don’t run to or center around the “relationship” like yours do.

He compartmentalizes and believes everyone else does as well. He doesn’t understand the tears in your eyes when he answers the question you asked.

“Do you think she is pretty?” Run!!!!!! This is a question no guy ever wants to hear so he may just pretend he doesn’t or stammers around a bit... If he says yes, he believes you think she is prettier than you are or he is interested in her. Even if he hesitates to say no, it will kill his chances for sex that night and if he says yes—his chances of “getting laid” are gone forever. He might as well just pack it up and go home… Alone…. If he is at home, well, it’s the couch… This panic this brings is close to the one he experiences when you ask, “Do you think my butt looks too big?” This is another question where he would rather cut his throat with a butter knife than face the consequence of the answer.

“I want to get married.” This is one that really throws him as it comes right out of nowhere. He thinks, “Well duh!” He already assumes marriage is “what” you want. He believes all women want to get married. He just doesn't want to hear it, at least not now. So you only have to notify him if this is NOT the case and marriage is not on your mind. You can talk to him about the “when” later. This is timing and again, a topic for yet another time.

Ok, don’t get your tail in a ringer so fast. Yes, this may be a mis-assumption on his part. As a woman, just because you hang out with him doesn’t mean you are that in to him… We know this. We just don’t want to hear it.

He might be, “just good enough for now” or “something to do until your hair dries” or “just friends”. As guys, we fear this but try hard not to believe it. We would rather settle for a “someone to do” than a “something to do”. Remember as long as we are “doing it”, we perceive the relationship to be “good”. And if the “relationship” is good, well let’s leave it alone.

“How do I look -- honestly?” Honestly, you look wonderful to him. That's why he's with you. Really! He doesn’t have the misgivings about you that you have about you. He would jump your bones right then and there if you would let him… You are not too short, you’re butts not too big and you’re thighs are just right…. These are your issues not his. He would not be with you if you didn’t “rock” his world. And “NO”, he doesn’t want to talk about it!

When men do take the time to talk it is to get things done or to synthesize information in order to get things done. They don’t want to talk about the relationship or your fears about the relationship. He doesn’t want to talk about where the relationship is going or where it’s been or where it should go. When your guy does talk, he will want to talk about things and doing things. In reality, if given a choice he just wants to do things… If you don’t have anything in mind to “do”, sex would “do” for a start… He would consider heavy breathing instead of talking or one syllable words like “Yessssss” than complete sentences. And well, you get the picture….

As for the relationship, remember in his mind if he didn’t love you he would not be there… If he didn’t want the relationship, he would leave. If he was not satisfied with you he would tell you. And no, he really doesn’t want to talk about your fears or his short comings…. That does not mean he will not be engaged in doing something about your fears and his short comings but remember your fears as yours and his short comings just may be perceived as YOUR perception.

But what about love you ask? In his mind you are with him and he loves you. Have sex with him and he will love you more… Conversely, if you don’t, he believes you don’t love him…. And if you don’t love him, the relationship is broken and you will leave…. How can he think this way? Well, if you are considering leaving he thinks you will want to TALK about the relationship. Why? Because it’s broken… Panic sets in. If his ego gets involved then it’s only slightly different. He says; if she doesn’t love me then why should I stay… If she is using me, I’m not staying. I’m out of here….

Men don’t get involved in a relationship for the “potential” of the other person…. They get involved because they like what they see and who you are. At least who they think you are. Women, men believe, want them for what they could be and what they have, not what or who they are. Where a woman may want her man to evolve and grow, all a man wants is for you not to change… To be the same person you were when the two of you first became involved and for you to keep what attracted him to you in the first place. Unfair, yes but true…

He believes all the attention and promises you made in the beginning will stay forever… He doesn’t look at himself as needing to smooth out his rough edges or change his friends. He believes you accepted him then so should accept him now… He is not a project in the making. So ladies, don’t look for potential in your guy. He may not live up to it. Either accept him or reject him on his merits of who he is now not who is could be “if only”. Conversely, be careful what you promise him or who you let him believe you are… He will hold you to your promise and feel deceived if you don’t….

Maybe it is all about plain old fashion “trust and respect” and you can’t give what you don’t have…. And the only way to get it is to give it. So again, as always, it’s all about you….. It’s not up to them…Don’t wait around for life to happen for it’s happening all around you….. Get involved, take some responsibility and you may just find you are not “doing it” alone. So what would you rather do; Talk about it or Do something about it…..?

If you chose “talk about it” then you might be in need of a girlfriend. But then again this is a male perspective……. “Doing something about it” leads to many possibilities…. Then again our mandate is a “call to action”. Isn’t it?

As always, it’s a choice…..Is it time to make yours? Nah, let’s just think about it and we can talk about it later….. Just kidding…. Until later………

Love Sex and Relationships: Part Two

Or Words, They Don’t Always Mean The Same…. So, What’s “IT” all About?

Contrary to popular belief, men do use words but they use them sparingly and their use is to stimulate action. Women on the other hand communicate to form bonds, to strengthen relationships, to express their feelings and to communicate their needs.

Words, to a man, covey action: If a man is perceived to be offensive and disrespectful to another man, he interprets it as; “This “Asshole” wants a piece of me!” He sees it as a personal attack. His system winds up ready to fight, resulting in a call to action. If a female compliments him on the cloths he is wearing he thinks, “Yes!…. She wants me. I am going to get lucky tonight.” Again, you see a call to action not a statement of opinion or process of information.

Women want to “bond” and “communicate”. They want to “understand” and “know” that their relationship is sound. Consequently, they want to “talk” where men want to keep things pretty close to their chest and not ruin a good thing by talking it to death. Not only is this action more inclined to their “call to action” motif but it also serves as a method of maintaining power in a relationship.

Power? Yes, the first one to “talk” loses…. Ok, unfair but look at it. In conversation men believe LESS is MORE, especially with women. At least that’s what he believes. He thinks you are much better at “relationship talking” than he is so why would he want to engage in a conversation where is he set up to lose before he even starts. In his mind, a no brainer! That is unless you want to talk about him, a subject he knows and is confident in, but remember if you talk about him he perceives it as a “call to action”. “Man, she’s interested. I think she LIKES me!” That is unless you start talking about what he does “wrong”. Then it is “relationship” connected, as perceived by YOU, and not something he really wants to stay around to experience.

Many women think men take relationship issues lightly and they are not serious. Consequently they feel the relationship is not important to men. They believe men close their eyes to what’s really important. When push comes to shove, many women believe men just want to do “it”. Their understanding is; women need bonding, closeness and romance but men, all they want is sex...

Well they’re sort of right, in a gross manner. Let’s look at it this way. Men believe the end result is what matters. All the roads lead to Rome so let’s just go to Rome. And if you’re in Rome, well, your doing pretty good and “all” is right with the world… When in Rome do as the Romans do…. TOGA!!!! Ok, so I’m getting a little off track… but not really.

Why is sex important to men? Men think if you’re doing “it”, then everything must be OK. Sex is a barometer as well as a stimulator! In his mind if he didn’t love you and wasn’t attracted to you, he wouldn’t do “it” and if he didn’t want to do “it”, he’d leave… Returning the favor, if you don’t want to do “it”, he immediately jumps to the conclusion you don’t love him and you want to leave or will eventually leave when something better comes along.

He processes the situation this way…If we need to talk about “it”, the relationship, then there is something wrong. If there is something wrong, then “it” needs to be fixed. If “it” needs to be fixed, then “it” must be broken. If “its” broken, “it’s” over…Here is where “it” really gets wild. If “it’s” over, he thinks, “I’m not going to get “it” anymore.” Consequently he believes no sex, no love, no relationship, NO “IT”. If that’s true, then there is no sense hanging around. “I’m gone…”

After the initial panic of “rejection” he may stop and try to process “It” and “It” might go something like this.

If she doesn’t want to do “It” then something must be wrong with her. What’s wrong? Obviously, since she doesn’t want “It” she must not love me… If she doesn’t love me and she is still hanging around then she must be using me… “That B----! I knew it… They are all the same…. Can’t trust them... I’m gone….”

Either way in a “call to action”, “IT” is at risk and if there is no chance in doing “IT”. “I’m gone.” I call it the confusion of the “ITS”. Maybe “it’s” because “It” means so many things that we get confused. “It” means love, sex, and relationship. Consequently, when “it” is gone there is no reason to say around. So to a man, sex IS an important part of the relationship.

Why men put so much value on “sex” within a relationship? Well, to put it frankly, a man doesn’t enter into a relationship with a woman to talk, to have a companion or to have someone to do activities with. They believe that is what friends are for. What differentiates a relationship from a friendship is sex. So gals, if you want a platonic relationship, stay friends…Unless you have a friend with benefits and that is so close to a relationship one had better be pretty carful when treading on those waters.

Often, when sex begins, the friendship ends… Even then you have to be careful because men aren’t friends with women they are not attracted to. It’s primal thing…. Go figure… It appears we even risk friendships for sex…. To us sex leads to love. Love does not lead to sex. Therefore, you can’t have love without sex; at least not for very long… What you have then is a Friend.

Want to really throw cold water on a guy?…Tell him you like him. That you really enjoy his company and LOVE hanging around him… but only as a friend…. Tell him he is your “best” friend. Then go about telling him how important friendships are…. And if you believe he is looking at you and not seeing you naked… we need to talk!

Ok, maybe it is not all like that and maybe it is not all that simple. Maybe, men can communicate and focus on relationships. Maybe women are more sexual and action oriented than previously implied. Maybe men are not all sexually driven and maybe women are not all relationship focused but it is still important to realize that we all have our point in which we view and without understanding what and where that point is we all may be perceiving totally different things…

And yes, gender is an important factor. So let’s be more aware or “it”. Biological differences are different. Or you may be waiting for “it” to happen and just let “it” pass by because you are unable to perceive “it” for what “it” really is….

AS for now…. “It” is all about choice….. I’ve made mine now go make yours…. Depending on what “it” is…. I’ve had fun… I hope you have too.

Until later… Don’t let some “Reservation Recluse” tell you want to do because ya know… “it” just isn’t right…” Take a risk…. Reach out and touch someone. “It” may be the best thing you will do all day.” Depending what “it” you are talking about… Maybe all three….

Love Sex and Relationships: Part One

Or It's All About Perception…

Previously, we have talked about relationships and the difficulty men and women have in sustaining these relationships as well as how often the species mis-communicate. We have also talked about the consequences of this miscommunication and the effects it has on the personal psyche and the relationship in general. I know, I know, it's just a bunch of psycho-babble but what about this drama of the sexes. Does gender play a role?

Men and women, what do we know about them? Or what do we think we know?

Men talk to men about women and women talk to women about men. Maybe it's time for men to talk to women about men? What do you think? I know you have heard it all before. Maybe you have but maybe it's important to look at it from yet another angle; from yet another point in which to view..

Ok, I know, you believe that as guys we are not all the serious when it comes to women and relationships. You believe relationships frighten us and we refuse to take you seriously. Have you ever thought of the possibility that it's not really true? Maybe, in truth, we are just simpler and less complicated. No, I didn't say simple minded. I just said simpler and less complicated. Now don't take me wrong. We do take you seriously. It's just we are not all that complicated. If you take the time to learn how men process information and events you will see how true this statement is.

So, as a person of the female persuasion, what do you need to know about the male gender? MMMMMMM

Ok, so you say he doesn't understand you; that he hardly ever even listens to you or pays attention to either what you believe or how you feel. You believe you are not really important to him. It's like you don't even exist! Sometimes you would give anything to have him listen and understand, even if it's for just a short time. He doesn't have to do anything you say to yourself. And in reality, if he would only listen you would give up on the idea of understanding. He just doesn't appear to connect!

Have you ever thought that the key to having your "guy" listen and understand what you are saying may be connected to how well you understand how he actually functions, as a man that is…not a mate.

Well, it may be to your benefit to give it some consideration.

What if you experienced the relationship world from his perspective?

Maybe, if you understood how he functions and perceives information you could get closer to the relationship you really wanted. Simply put, it is a lot easier to be heard when you know how the other perceives and processes information. So what do we know about men and their ability to communicate and the language they use?

You notice I did not say understand. Ok, you're right, they don't. Communicate that is, at least in the manner in which you want and readily understand.

Have you ever thought the answer may lie within the manner in which information is funneled and in the manner in which one typically understands…. Ok, what am I trying to say? The bottom line; "Yes, men and women are different…." Ok, I've said it… Lightening did not come down from the sky and no androgenous being has pushed through the door beating me.

Though that might prove interesting…. That's a story for yet another time…. Remind me….

Now what about the allusive male? Are we that difficult to understand or are we just not all that complicated? Maybe we are just guys and you are just gals. Ok, men and women… I would hate to have anyone say I was "sexist". Then again….maybe we all should be more comfortable with being male and female, coming to grips with how we are alike as well as how we are different. But that, again, is for another time… Promise!

So where is all this leading? First of all, you are going to have to recognize that most of the male species can only process about one direction at a time…. No, it does not mean we can not multitask but it does mean you don't want to tell him to do two or three tasks at once…. Ask any women who has been married for over twenty years. It doesn't matter if you are in bed or in the kitchen…. One direction at a time….

"Honey, would you please get up, go into the bedroom and get my robe? Oh, while you're at it can you bring me the aspirin in the bathroom too." WRONG….. Especially if he is already engaged in a task of his own. If you want your directions completed, in the bedroom or the kitchen, remember, one request at a time….

Stay away from the two, three and four part request you are use to. And if he is already engaged, wait until he is not preoccupied. Or at least get his attention before you make the request. No, it's not that we don't want to pay attention or don't want to please you. It's how we process information, even in the bedroom. So let him finish one thing before you begin him on another.

I know, you're not too sure about all this but if you are questioning any of it ask him… He will tell you it is not that far from the truth…. And yes, we will continue with Part Two next time…

As usual, It's a choice…. But don't take my word for it.. Deep down you too know it's true…. Take some time to see things from the point in which he views.. You may be glad you did.

So until next time… It just maybe be simpler and less complicated than you think…