Change your outlook through positive self talk and dispute the beliefs that make you and others around you unhappy.
Is that really possible?
YES it is! In order to do this you need to ask yourself, what other beliefs will bring you peace of mind? How can you change the words you are using to describe what has happened or is happening in a more matter of fact manner? Can you express your “feelings” rather than react to your “emotions”?
Yes, you can!
You will need to describe the event as it actually happens without the adjectives and adverbs. You will need to take away the filters of judgment, then step back and see what you get. You will need to take the time to identify your feelings that lie under those intense driven Emotions. Remember, you are stuck only as long as you are willing to be “stuck”.
Ellis states that you can become the master of your own mind, your own feelings and your own behavior IF you are willing to address “errors” in thinking when they arise. That is a big IF and it is all about YOU. There is NO waiting for someone else to do something. There is no waiting for something else to happen. The more you wait the worse things get….
Ellis emphasizes that events or situations do not make you angry or unhappy—they do not cause your upset feelings. What drives your disabling emotion is what you tell yourself about the event and the meanings you attach to that event. The real culprit keeping you upset is YOU and what YOU are telling yourself, what YOU are focusing on and what YOU are NOT expressing...
OK, you are right; NO, you can’t change what has happened. More often than not, you can’t change the upsetting situation. Like we have said before, “Shit Happens”. The only thing you are in command of is how much negativity you put into thinking about these “Shitty” things and how much you think about them.
In other words, what you think and what you do command how you feel. The event or upsetting, aggravating “thing”, in itself, has no emotional weight or value.
The bottom line is that you are always responsible for what you think, say and do. Blaming others for your feelings and behavior is just a way you learned to protect yourself during the early stages of your life. By blaming others and putting the responsibility on someone else you cannot change. You give up your control. You give up your influence. I know it sounds all backwards but really, you cannot change how stubborn people are or how irresponsible some people act. You can’t really change anyone outside of yourself and as we all know, that’s had enough.
I know, it doesn’t feel that way but feelings lie…. They really do. Have you ever felt “lower than whale dung on an ocean floor”? Well, no matter what, you are not “whale dung” nor have you even been. Putting energy here only makes you miserable by trying to solve a problem you are not responsible to solve nor can you. You only end up blaming either yourself or someone else. The consequence: You end up feeling miserable, obsessing about something that just gets worse until you are consumed with it.
Every time you use these cognitive errors you reinforce them. You make them stronger and easier to default to next time. It is vital that you turn off the negativity that feeds your irrational thinking. When you do this, you will find you turn off the line that feeds the negative emotions and destructive behavior. Use Albert’s model to dry up the concrete, unmovable, irrational and unhealthy ways of thinking that try to govern your life. Like unused muscles, these critical thinking errors will go into a state of atrophy but only if you catch yourself engaging in them, challenge them and dispute their hold on you.
To gain control over yourself and your emotions you will need to discard these unhealthy thoughts like you might brush away a swarm of Eastern Montana Mosquitoes. They are the maggots of the mind, the larva of lunacy in relationships. If you do this exercise thousands of time a day you will program your mind to be a more positive person. Yes, you heard me right…not just ONCE.
Remind yourself, “I have no need to think about this. Thinking about this and getting myself upset does not change anything. I choose to let this go. It really doesn’t matter in the long scheme of things. It is foolish to become so upset over so little. I am a better person than to let my emotions govern my thoughts and actions. I take control of me.” You need to challenge these thoughts with all you have… Only then will change start to happen.
Remind yourself, “If I repeat this thought and continue to engage it with others, it will make me unpleasant and difficult to be around. If I continue to ruminate on this path of negative thinking, then I will become diminished and more afraid. If I continue to dwell on this injustice, I will end up blowing up at someone I care about.” Ask yourself, “Why do I need to dwell and continue to focus on this thought which is hijacking my mind? If I do, dire consequences will happen and I only feed the problem and my upsetness.”
Put yourself in the command spot by interrupting your negative thoughts. Tell yourself that there is no need to think about things that you can’t change. There is no need to obsess about things that pull you into the state of despair, make you angry or worried.
Accepting things as they are does not mean you agree, disagree, like or dislike, want or not want. It only means you acknowledge things as they are and refuse to let the run-a-way emotions hijack your mind. It places you in a position to actually do something about the situation or make a decision about the reality instead of the distortion. It puts YOU in the COMMAND position of YOUR life.
Place yourself in control of YOU by cutting off the blame thoughts.
Your mind works but it only when YOU work it!
The future is yours and the present is at your command… Attack it with vigor! What have you got to lose, Your Negativity?
As usual, I have made my choice. It’s now up to you….. Isn’t it time you got YOU back and put you in the COMMAND position of YOUR life!