All Three Get The Heart Beating Faster.....
Love, Infatuation or Fear; all three get the heart beating faster, the adrenaline flowing and the mind doing cartwheels all over the place…. Put them together, in reverse order, and you get a formula for arousal that drives passion and makes you question if what you are feeling is LOVE, INFATUATION or just a Great ONE TIME ENCOUNTER... All you know and understand is that you are not totally in control…..
I know, you want it to be love, especially if you are a girl and if you are a guy you are praying that it can be a couple of one night stands, with one set of glands responding to the other; the intensity of ephemeral desire driving one further away from the stability of a lasting friendship.
Let’s take a closer look at these three adrenaline pumping conditions…. All three make you feel alive but they perform different functions when experienced separately….
Fear, although tantalizing, appears to draw us closer but in reality fear drives one further way. It makes us aware but not confident. We withdraw from it, seeking an allusion of safety. We respond as a moth to a flame… Drawn in we perish. In safety, we seek the dark but are possessed by the light. Fear keeps us to the outside of the circle, constantly moving us away from our intent. We lose ourselves outside the relationship.
Infatuation is marked by intense desire but it is not stable. It is transitory as well as allusive; teasing us with its intensity and feelings of insecurity. Excitement marks the relationship and although one sees happiness from this point, it is never really accomplished. When you are away from each other your mind is filled with unanswered questions. Doubt runs ramped as you attempt to protect the relationship from any intense inspection. One fears that if looked at too closely the allusion will end…. We lose ourselves within the relationship.
Love on the other hand is fulfilling. It takes one outside of one’s self and into the other without losing sense of self. It is best based on friendship. It is that coal that has ignited and starts to burn. Its flame is warming, comforting and slowly fills the relationship with a sense of security, understanding and strength. It takes root within the soul and grows in both maturity and passion. It does not demand perfection and it is fueled by both trust and respect. We find each other because of the relationship, not in spite of it and grow within the comfort of the other.
Infatuation draws itself towards Fear and eventually pairs with it, fueling distrust and insecurity. Instead of being comforted by the others love you are panicked by the others absence. You fear losing the relationship and the fleeing affection it brings. Driven by the fervor of sexual excitement you feel. It is also smothered by the intense insecurity of perceived loss; where a part you questions if you are good enough and if it will last. You fear losing the other and you feel a desperate need to hold on. Infatuation lacks confidence and eventually breeds distrust. When the other is away from you, you wonder if they are being faithful. At times you are driven to check and sometimes you confront. You fight to maintain control over something you never had but desperately want. You begin to justify this feeling as LOVE.
Infatuation is all about the intense feeling you have when you are together and the pain you experience when you are apart. It is intense, it is all encompassing, it is draining…… Everything thing else loses its importance and the relationship is all that seems to matter. Infatuation tends to lead you to do things you will regret, things that you may not be ready to do. Infatuation is driven by the moment.
Love is all encompassing and expands beyond you. It gives you time. It embraces the other with understanding, fueling commitment, communication and compassion. You face relationship storms with confidence, understanding that all troubles pass and whether you are close or distant, nothing separates you from the other. You are not driven by exigency, you know that you too can wait and when together the bond is strengthened and made more resilient. In love, you live in the moment and look towards the future with confidence.
Love is not based on sex but sex, when right, enhances love. The maturation of this commitment, based on real friendship, makes sex so much deeper and passionate. The intensity of lovers based on friendship enhances trust, providing a secure unthreatened and highly passionate partnership. Love makes the sum greater than its parts with sex fueling the passion of the relationship.
Now, don’t get me wrong. One is not better than the other… Each has its own benefits in a relationship, with each having its own pitfalls as well. What is important is that you don’t confuse one for the other. Whether love is mistaken for infatuation, infatuation confused for fear or fear never conquered in the first place, it is important to deal in the reality of the condition. In the quest for the relationship you desire, it is import to understand what drives it. In some instances it is progressive. In some instances it is all encompassing and some…. We are destined for compartmentalization, never moving from the point of love, infatuation or fear….
The good news is that it is a choice…. Yes again, choice… Once we have knowledge we have choice to move us either away from or towards the adrenaline rush of our desire. Some say maturity has a lot to do with it. That mature love moves us away from adolescent infatuation and that childhood infatuation is not real love….. The rest of us fear one may be right and hope it doesn’t have to be.
Try telling that to childhood sweethearts who are now celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary or the 80 year old couple who collide with their walkers and feel the electrical connection for the first time since their spouses died over 20 years ago. They now toast each other over a glass of INSURE and are confident that the skip in their heart is not atrial-fibulation….
Love, Infatuation and Fear encompass all ages and leaves no one out... It is all in the game of life…. Then again, it is a choice…. Does anyone want to play….?
As for now, this Reservation Recluse is going to get some rest. All this adrenaline gets one a little excited and one has to be up for the game……. So until later…. Keep your hands out of your pockets and your fingers on your pulse. You might just find you are alive……