When Bad Boys Remain Bad Boys

When Bad Boys Remain Bad Boys Or Just because you love him doesn’t mean you have to stay!

We have talked about the allure of Bad Boys in the past. How they are sexually exciting and even, at times, intoxicating. How the immediate attraction may be chemical and how that drive for excitement may not last in a mature long-term relationship, no matter how badly you may want it to be true.

I know it is difficult to think about when all you want to do is melt in his arms or aggressively make your way with him... After all, Alpha Males draw Alpha Females.... The survival of the species is at stake ya know... but more seriously, your future happiness.

If all one wants out of life is to be a “player”, to capture the excitement of numerous one-night stands and the power that goes with non-commitment, then it may not really matter. Bad Boys do have their attraction and because of that, their place as well but what about long term relationships? Do they have a place there?

Maybe, in all fairness, one has not to look at the person but the person in context with the relationship... After all, the purpose of a long term relationship is to have the whole be greater than the sum of its parts.... That you become greater “together” than you ever were as a “single entity”. To do this we need to evaluate honestly, not the person and their potential but the health of the relationship and its relationship to the whole...

You need to ask yourself, “Is this relationship healthy, or is it unhealthy?” It is here you need to be as objective and honest as you can. To accomplish this you need to analyze the relationship. How has it has changed or modified since it first began? Has it veered from its projected path of harmony and bliss to something less desirable and more frightening?

It is important to take a good strong look at what it was you wanted and how close it has become to meeting your needs and projections. "Is the relationship nurturing or is it destroying?" Does the relationship provide an avenue for growth or does it stifle and strangle all hope of future other than what once was, while you dread what is. "Do you find yourself constantly focusing on his potential and what could be rather than the reality of what is?"

Are there “rules” to become aware of that signal one may be going down a destructive path? Since all individuals are different and statistics apply to populations not people, the answer is NO. There are no hard and fast rules but there are signals we can assess and apply to both our relationships and ourselves. There are signs that tell us we need to EVALUATE!

What are some of these signals and how can we honestly evaluate the relationship and the person within in it? Well, there are hallmarks one can be aware of and there are signs that one needs to assess.

One of the first things you can do is look towards your friends.

How do your friends respond when your Bad Boy is around or even when his name is brought up? Do you find your friends side step you and look at you like they are not sure who you are any more. Do you feel like they are avoiding you and your “Bad Boy” or do they appear happy to have you both around?

Do you find activities filled with tension and stress every time you are out with others? Do you find yourself constantly defending his actions towards you, your children, or others? Do you find yourself making excuses for his “bad” behavior or even blaming yourself; trying to convince yourself that it will not happen again…? Do you find that he often blames you for situations that don’t go “right” for him? Do you find making the environment less “stressful” for him is an impossible task?

Do you find your friends worried about you and your isolation? If your friends are worried about you, maybe you should be as well...

Check the pulse of the “relationship” not the “quick step” and desire of the heat and the heart. You cannot keep a relationship healthy by yourself or by hope and desire alone. It takes two and most Bad Boys, if their goal is to remain a Bad Boy, is focused on his Image not on you and the relationship.

Do you find he brings out the best in you or the worst in you? Do you feed each other’s best? Or do you feed the junkyard dog that resides somewhere deep within or worse, right at the surface? Do you find you are developing a Junkyard dog of your own in order to keep up or for your own self-preservation?

Do you find that you are losing the fight to believe he will change? Do you find yourself believing if only others would give him a chance he would change? Do you find you are entangled within the belief you are the only one that can bring about his salvation? Worse yet, you are beginning to believe he is your only salvation....

If you find, after an honest evaluation, that your relationship is unhealthy accept the end. Get out as fast as you can. It is dangerous for you and your family. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and is committed to maintain a healthy relationship...

It is not about sometime in the future, it is about NOW.... If you stay, manipulation and controlling behaviors will persist and they will transfer to the manipulation and the controlling of you, even when they no longer care about the relationship... Maybe it already has.

Despite your lingering feeling for this person, you have to take steps to end it as swiftly as you can and leave... Yes Leave, and leave NOW...

No, it is not easy. If it were easy there would not be so many individuals stuck in this place. Yes, it is difficult but you can do it.

Ok, many of you have no idea what I am talking about, yet some of you do, and you know what I am saying has a ring of truth to it... You know! You have just avoided taking a healthy look at and evaluating the situation you are caught up in... You have held out for the miracle of change and the hope for a better future.... You have waited long enough! Despite your best efforts to work things out you need to accept the stark reality.

Ok, you are right... Now is the time I say you have a choice... and again it is true, you do... and it does not matter if you are the Bad Boy or the person that has fallen for one... The choice is yours... and it is time to make it.... Don’t you think you deserve a better today and a brighter future? I do...but you cannot have it unless you make that choice... and the time to make one is NOW...

I have made mine.... Healthy, loving relationships are worth the risk of being alone. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts... You just have to make the decision and then the stance.... I did not say it was easy, I am just saying it is worth it....

As you take a deep seat in the saddle and pull that Stetson down tight, remember that image cannot stand shoulder to shoulder with influence and being an influence has all to do with doing the “right” thing at the “right” time. And that time is NOW...

As always, I am interested in your story and your opinion. Take the time; let me know what you think and what has worked for YOU!

Until next time…. Throw a large loop… You will be surprised how it gives one choice on what to catch…