Check Your Expectations At The Door....

Or No Matter Where You Go There You Are

Have you ever heard all those great things about a movie and when you finally see it you are deeply disappointed? Have you ever waited “forever” to go out with this guy or gal only to find out that you would have chewed off your left arm rather than had to wake up next to them the morning after what should have been the greatest night of your life? Or at least that is what you thought!

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you had planned every detail of what was going to happen and how it was to turn out, that everything was just going to be perfect…? And then you got some doubt that maybe it wasn’t and IT WASN’T! The emotional experience then slamming you like a tidal wave hitting the Island of Figgie or something…. And NO, the WET look was not SEXY. It was devastating.

This, my friend, has to do with Expectations…. And expectations have nothing to do with Them or It… They have all to do with YOU.

Now don’t get me wrong, not all expectations are BAD. Expectations can be good motivators and good reinforcement…. They can tell someone you really believe in them and trust them. Having expectations say something about your values and some research has shown that with expectations also comes success. Then again, they can knock your legs right out from under you….

So what’s the difference? Or is there? Well, I think there are differences and I believe it has to do with faith and support with a dash of “do”. Like the Beetles song. “Let it Be”…. Be-ing is not only a state, it is an ART…. It is the “Alpha and the Omega”, the “Beginning and the End”. It is all encompassing. It is living in the moment with all your energy and all your Be-ing….. You just check your expectations at the door…. And walk right into life…..

Expectations can really put a damper on the “here and now”… You expect him to be a better lover. You expect her to be more attentive. You expect him to be more considerate. You expect you not to be so sensitive. You expect him not to be such a “hard ass” and you expect you to not fall for every guy that smells of sweat and has sweet eyes…..

We expect a lot out of life… But can you really expect more than you put in? When do expectations become entitlement…..? Whoa that’s a big jump isn’t it?

Speaking Words Of Wisdom – Let It Be…..

So maybe just maybe, expectations can be a two edge sword. Without them we can become complacent and even disappointed…. With them we can become motivated and supported…. Maybe it is in the HOW and not the What… How expectations are used or misused… If they are of ourselves or someone else; if they are seen as a “given” or if they come with work….

Expectations are also the foundation of pedestals and it is impossible to stay on a pedestal… Whatever or whoever we place there ALWAYS fall off….

I was once told that you can expect all you want but if you don’t put one foot in front of the other you are just going to stay rooted to the ground…. That has a lot to do with “DO”. I guess if you expect one to change, or expect things to be different or if you expect the world to meet you at your level you will forever stay expecting…. And often ever so disappointed… But if you really take every moment as a gift, with your own hand at the helm, life can Be and really Is an adventure….

I know…. And you know… It’s a choice….. I’ve made mine…. Hopefully you HAVE made yours... If not… Give it a try…. NO, I don’t expect you to but ya know…. I have a little faith. I don’t expect ya not to either….

If you find that expectations are just getting in the way and letting you down; check them at the door…. You might find a totally new experience….

Until later then, this Reservation Recluse is going to cook up some fry bread, burn a little sage and light some sweet grass….

Keep you moccasins on your own feet and whatever else in your pants…. This way it will always be there when you EXPECT it to BE…

Sexual Healing

Sex!  Safer than going to a pharmacy...?

Sex! Safer and more enjoyable than “over the counter treatments”.?. Is that a question or a statement?

In either case, it just might be true. The next time he says, “Baby, I’m soooo good for you. He just might be right.”

Not only can sex burn calories and relieve pent up stress, this “on the counter”, “across the desk” or just plain ole “bedroom aerobics”, may just enhance your immune system. No kidding? No kidding!

Research conducted at a University in PA found that individuals who had sex as often as once and twice a week had substantially higher levels of Immunoglobulin A than individuals who abstained from the “belly bumpen, hip rocken, general in and out of sexual antics.

Yes, you heard me right! Moderate sexual activity can enhance the body’s defenses against such things as the common cold and the flu. Now, before you men get too carried away... More is not always better. Having sex three or more times per week fell into the same category as abstinence. Go figure. I guess more is not always better… Sorry guys!

So, what do we know about sex and its benefits to the human body and relationships? Does this mean we forgo immunization for an across the counter, over the bar, in the bedroom use and abuse him physical tirade of sexual exploits. No it doesn’t, but it does mean sex may be better for you than your mother once knew or did not tell you about.

We know that vaginal stimulation produces a strong pain-blocking effect and if you stimulate the controversial "G-spot", we know the body raises its overall pain threshold over 100 percent and over 80 percent with general, vaginal stimulation. So what does this say about headaches, menstrual cramps, and chronic pain? It could mean vaginal stimulation, during sexual play, may relieve pain anywhere from a few minutes to 24 hours….

Now that’s significant. If this information is correct, it says a lot for “taking one for the team” doesn’t it? So the next time you say I have a headache…. Well, you get the point… No pun intended… Ok, so it’s not a “point” and “no”, one doesn’t have to have a “rod to comfort thee”. You don’t need a penis to stimulate the “G” spot or “Comfortably” pleasure the vagina. Sorry guys…

As for men, sex may reduce the risk of heart attack and promote general overall health for males... A 10-year follow up study, in England, found there might even be a longevity benefit for men. Ok, some of you say we are around too long anyway but look at the possibilities.

Their study revealed mortality rates were 50 % lower, over 10-year period, among men who had frequent orgasms than men who did not. So guys, getting laid once or twice a week appears to be better for you than an apple a day to keep the doctor away. Not only does it promote better health and enjoyment, you live longer….

Recent studies also indicate that sperm has an antidepressant effect when absorbed through the vaginal walls. For women who exhibited mild to moderate depression or the classic, “I’ve become a bitch, say hello and die” syndrome, sex was as effective as some traditional antidepressants.

The study indicated that women who had regular sex, were less depressed. On an average, there was a 30% more effectiveness rating for these women than women who did not have sex or used protective sex, where the sperm was not absorbed…

Ok, this is not news to some of you…Sex can enhance mood. It is one reason we find it difficult to stay away from before we are old enough to know the difference...  In adolescence we seek pleasure and avoid pain..  But what about  later when we do know different.  Or do we?  Maybe we really don't.

So the next time you feel a little “bitchy” or have difficulty finding the energy and elevated mood to do what you usually do… Well, you get the picture…. What do you have to lose? Ok, don’t answer that… Maybe it was a self-serving question.

Now, some general statistics. Men who ejaculate frequently, 21 or more times per month, have a 33 percent lower risk of developing prostate cancer compared to men to ejaculate 7 or less times per month. Now, who gets paid to do these studies? Can you visualize this? Ok, pen in hand… Stop watch out…. Next! “Sweetheart… I don’t want to die! Pleeeeaaaasssse !!!!!!” No? Not a good line? Ok, I’ll behave..

Then, we all know what they say about statistics...

Women who have sex, at least weekly, have menstrual periods that are more regular, more regular basal body patterns, and higher levels of estrogen than those women who are less sexually active. WOW, that’s good but what the hell does it mean?

It means that women who have sex, at least weekly, age more slowly, have fewer hot flashes, better cardiovascular health, greater bone density, less vaginal atrophy, and dryness. Who doesn’t want that? Sounds like a benefit to me…. But, who am I to know....

So the next time you hear someone say… “ All she needs is a good ****.” They may be right. Or the next time you say that the best way to get over a “bad relationship” is to “get under” a good man. You may be right!

Maybe we should not be so afraid of this thing called “sex”.

Ok, so sex is healthy and good for you. If you don’t believe me, ask any 16-year-old boy… He even believes it will cure acne if he doesn’t go blind first… Seriously though, if you are a regular participant in “bedroom antics” or “kitchen kinetics”, this is not anything new. But, if you’re not, the next time you find yourself in an irritable mood or that headache just doesn’t seem to go away….

Well, you get the point… And the next time he says he will just die if he doesn’t get any… Well…. Chances are…. Ok, the reverse is not really true but it is worth a thought… Ok, you don’t get much for a penny now days…..   Not even a full thought!

Until later... It continues to remain a choice… the choice is yours… What do you have to lose? You might just have a whole relationship to gain and a healthy immune system to boot, but if you don’t what him to hang around forever. Well you get the idea.

This Reservation Recluse has a headache… Too bad it doesn’t work for us…. Motrin, guess it’s my best shot… Then again, studies also say that looking at breasts help men with their hypertension and lower the blood pressure….

Is it just me or does anyone else see where that could “lower” life expectancy…?

Just a thought…. And not a good one at that…. Maybe we just have to keep our mind open and come to grips with the fact that “Orgasm” can be a prescription that benefits the mind, body, and soul. The prescription for better relationships and a healthier body...

I can’t see a downside, even if all this is just Urban Legend with a Good Ole Cowboy Kick…. But then again… that’s me…. What about YOU?

LOVE INFATUATION AND FEAR

All Three Get The Heart Beating Faster.....

Love, Infatuation or Fear; all three get the heart beating faster, the adrenaline flowing and the mind doing cartwheels all over the place…. Put them together, in reverse order, and you get a formula for arousal that drives passion and makes you question if what you are feeling is LOVE, INFATUATION or just a Great ONE TIME ENCOUNTER... All you know and understand is that you are not totally in control…..

I know, you want it to be love, especially if you are a girl and if you are a guy you are praying that it can be a couple of one night stands, with one set of glands responding to the other; the intensity of ephemeral desire driving one further away from the stability of a lasting friendship.

Let’s take a closer look at these three adrenaline pumping conditions…. All three make you feel alive but they perform different functions when experienced separately….

Fear, although tantalizing, appears to draw us closer but in reality fear drives one further way. It makes us aware but not confident. We withdraw from it, seeking an allusion of safety. We respond as a moth to a flame… Drawn in we perish. In safety, we seek the dark but are possessed by the light. Fear keeps us to the outside of the circle, constantly moving us away from our intent. We lose ourselves outside the relationship.

Infatuation is marked by intense desire but it is not stable. It is transitory as well as allusive; teasing us with its intensity and feelings of insecurity. Excitement marks the relationship and although one sees happiness from this point, it is never really accomplished. When you are away from each other your mind is filled with unanswered questions. Doubt runs ramped as you attempt to protect the relationship from any intense inspection. One fears that if looked at too closely the allusion will end…. We lose ourselves within the relationship.

Love on the other hand is fulfilling. It takes one outside of one’s self and into the other without losing sense of self. It is best based on friendship. It is that coal that has ignited and starts to burn. Its flame is warming, comforting and slowly fills the relationship with a sense of security, understanding and strength. It takes root within the soul and grows in both maturity and passion. It does not demand perfection and it is fueled by both trust and respect. We find each other because of the relationship, not in spite of it and grow within the comfort of the other.

Infatuation draws itself towards Fear and eventually pairs with it, fueling distrust and insecurity. Instead of being comforted by the others love you are panicked by the others absence. You fear losing the relationship and the fleeing affection it brings. Driven by the fervor of sexual excitement you feel. It is also smothered by the intense insecurity of perceived loss; where a part you questions if you are good enough and if it will last. You fear losing the other and you feel a desperate need to hold on. Infatuation lacks confidence and eventually breeds distrust. When the other is away from you, you wonder if they are being faithful. At times you are driven to check and sometimes you confront. You fight to maintain control over something you never had but desperately want. You begin to justify this feeling as LOVE.

Infatuation is all about the intense feeling you have when you are together and the pain you experience when you are apart. It is intense, it is all encompassing, it is draining…… Everything thing else loses its importance and the relationship is all that seems to matter. Infatuation tends to lead you to do things you will regret, things that you may not be ready to do. Infatuation is driven by the moment.

Love is all encompassing and expands beyond you. It gives you time. It embraces the other with understanding, fueling commitment, communication and compassion. You face relationship storms with confidence, understanding that all troubles pass and whether you are close or distant, nothing separates you from the other. You are not driven by exigency, you know that you too can wait and when together the bond is strengthened and made more resilient. In love, you live in the moment and look towards the future with confidence.

Love is not based on sex but sex, when right, enhances love. The maturation of this commitment, based on real friendship, makes sex so much deeper and passionate. The intensity of lovers based on friendship enhances trust, providing a secure unthreatened and highly passionate partnership. Love makes the sum greater than its parts with sex fueling the passion of the relationship.

Now, don’t get me wrong. One is not better than the other… Each has its own benefits in a relationship, with each having its own pitfalls as well. What is important is that you don’t confuse one for the other. Whether love is mistaken for infatuation, infatuation confused for fear or fear never conquered in the first place, it is important to deal in the reality of the condition. In the quest for the relationship you desire, it is import to understand what drives it. In some instances it is progressive. In some instances it is all encompassing and some…. We are destined for compartmentalization, never moving from the point of love, infatuation or fear….

The good news is that it is a choice…. Yes again, choice… Once we have knowledge we have choice to move us either away from or towards the adrenaline rush of our desire. Some say maturity has a lot to do with it. That mature love moves us away from adolescent infatuation and that childhood infatuation is not real love….. The rest of us fear one may be right and hope it doesn’t have to be.

Try telling that to childhood sweethearts who are now celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary or the 80 year old couple who collide with their walkers and feel the electrical connection for the first time since their spouses died over 20 years ago. They now toast each other over a glass of INSURE and are confident that the skip in their heart is not atrial-fibulation….

Love, Infatuation and Fear encompass all ages and leaves no one out... It is all in the game of life…. Then again, it is a choice…. Does anyone want to play….?

As for now, this Reservation Recluse is going to get some rest. All this adrenaline gets one a little excited and one has to be up for the game……. So until later…. Keep your hands out of your pockets and your fingers on your pulse. You might just find you are alive……

Part Two: Rules and Insights

It’s Really Not All About YOU


Ok, it has been a few weeks. Some of you made a change and some of you didn’t….

Some of you waited until now to see what else was to come. We covered the first five rules and insights last time. Today, we are going to cover the next eight… Yes, thirteen in all…. I thought that to be the appropriate number for what some see as such an unlucky game….

So, what comes next…? No, there isn’t any sequence and no, you don’t have to do all of them…. The next rule is difficult for many, as it appears gamey but believe me it’s true and no, it’s not about what you can’t do or what we can do better. It’s just about our need to fix things and be needed.….

Rule Number Six: Ask for help every now and then. Yes, even if you don’t really need it. This is one of those little things that can make a big difference in a relationship and many women overlook it. Some women believe it gets in the way of their independence and their need for self-reliance. News Flash! Men really don’t care about or need you to prove your independence and self-reliance. We like you to be self-assured and confident in who you are but really, we don’t keep score. Not in that area anyway.

Even if you're the world's most stubborn and self-sufficient type, surely you can find a few things you might want a hand with. Help doesn’t mean you are weak, ignorant or lazy. Sometimes it just means you want to share… Your time, your experience and your affection.

Just look at your daily routine or your favorite "to do" list and focus on one or two things you could use a little assistance with. Change your bike tire? Fix a cabinet? Get a back rub. If you are really edgy, running a bubble bath… Chances are you can find something. And, he'll be so glad you did! You might just find out that it’s not so bad either….

Insight Number Six: Guys love feeling that they are needed (don't we all?) – and they are programmed to fix things, even if it is not broken. You'd be amazed at how much guys appreciate being asked for help. Now being told what to do? That’s another story for yet another time.

Rule Number Seven: Be Ok with being you. Don’t Act Desperate... Don't let your requests run away with you or they become demands... Clingy and needy is as about as attractive as being “Bitchy”, not…. and it will send a guy away quicker than you can shed those tight fitting jeans. There's a difference between letting someone in your life and being needy and clingy.

Insight Number Seven: A man wants to see that you have lots going on and that your need for him does not run core deep. He needs to know you can live without him. You just want to be with him. You will spook him if you try to totally lock up his schedule seven nights a week or tell him you've changed all your plans just to be with him.

Show him you want him in your world but he is not your total world.

Rule Number Eight: Be strong but not intimidating... Ok, that’s a fine line and a perception as well. You don’t want someone who can’t stand toe to toe with you either. Look for a balance. Today's women are major multi-taskers. They juggle jobs, family, friendships, finances, hobbies, school, and so much more. All that energy can be intimidating. Remember, you see life connected. He see’s life compartmentalized.

Insight Number Eight: Whether you're a hardcore professional and he's a musician... you come from a wealthier family than he does... or you're one of those ulter-intellectual women who know everything about everything -- it's important to be aware of his emotions, support him, and be his cheerleader when needed.

Do not compare him to others -- that's just not a place any guy likes to be. Really, it’s not a place you want to be either. In circumstances where you might stick it out and hope for change, he will run.

Rule Number Nine: Open your ears and shut your mouth. You Talk Way Too Much... Talking is a great way to get to know one another -- but some women can't resist the urge to monopolize the conversation or attempt to charm guys with long-winded stories.

Insight Number Nine: You don't have to tell him your whole life story on your first date. He really doesn’t want to know how your Goldfish Muffy died or how you have kept a "pillow diary" of your wishes and desires since you were 12. Guys don't enjoying hearing tedious rants or rambles -- the key is to listen and share the present you. And don't be afraid to hear your own thoughts. You just don’t want to listen to them. Pauses are your best friend! A short break in the conversation is better than a motor-mouth that doesn't quit. A touch, a look, a smile, a shared insight; they are your best friends.

Body language and a slight touch far outweigh a verbal tirade.

Rule Numkber Ten: Loosen up a little. Don’t get you jammies all wound up in a ringer when he wants you to get a little dirty. No, I’m not talking about the lady he wants in public and the dirty, nasty little bitch he longs for in the bedroom.

There's something irresistible about a girl who can roll with the punches. You can be Miss Prim and Proper during the workweek but if you can't ever loosen the strings, it's no fun. Being uptight is a bore. You will never meet a guy who says, "I wish I could meet a girl who is uptight!" It is important to role with the punches and let the little things slide. The key is play. Play is fun! Get involved and do something, anything…

Sometimes it is good to let the thoughts and feelings take a rest and just get physical.

Insight Number Ten: Life's a dirty business and the more you can play in it, the more he'll respect and appreciate you -- whether it's going on a no make-up, no-shower overnight camping trip or playing tag football. It’s fun, it’s sexy and it’s enjoyable. Be involved in life as it comes around. You will be glad you did. Most regrets come from roads not taken and opportunities missed. The best opportunities are not planned for they are experienced.

Rule Number Eleven: Be secure with you.... Nothing's sexier than a confident woman. That may be a lot to live up to but it can be easier than you think. Try paying attention to your body language and eye contact. They are the most obvious signs of how you feel about yourself.

Insight Number Eleven: A protective stance; hunched, collapsed chest, crossed arms, looking down, or turning away -- all have the potential to be big turn-offs that send him away. If you’re not confident with you, he won’t be either. Stay focused on your strengths instead of what you see as your weaknesses. You'll see great changes and more opportunity. More importantly, so will he.

Rule Number Twelve: Loosen up a little ….Naggers don't get far in the world of love and neither does being a full time bitch. What you'll create is a very resentful guy. Whether you're constantly harping on him for the small stuff or dishing out a daily dose of "why can't you be more...?” -- The way to a man's heart is definitely not through nagging. And it’s not through wanting him to change, no matter what you see his potential to be.

Insight Number Twelve: Let the little things go because they really are LITTLE. Keep your eye on the big things like; is he a good person, do you have fun together and are you treated with respect? You may want him but remember if you do catch him, is he who you really want? Focusing on the little things will lead us to avoid the bigger more important character issues that make or break long-term relationships…. Remember, you can change the behavior but you can’t change the character.

Rule Number Thirteen: Let a little humor into your life. Not all life is so serious... Take some time to laugh and have fun... Share life. Laugh at life. Have fun in all rooms of the house.

Insight Number Thirteen: It’s more fun to be around someone who can make you feel alive than someone who is always complaining and down…. Remember being negative will draw out a negative and two negatives in a relationship will not make a positive or a good time for anyone, in any sense of the word. Smile at life. Laugh at yourself and enjoy who you are. It’s addictive….

Ok, it’s not rocket science but something that needed to be said…. Some old-fashioned ideas maybe but they still hold water in today’s bucket of romance and love….

What do you think? I know it’s unfair that it was all about the female types out there but in today’s world of political correctness, sometimes things just haves to be said. For years I have heard how men objectify women. Yes, we have. Some of men still do…

I am not excusing “bad” behavior or justifying disrespect in any manner. Any way you slice that cookie it is still WRONG. What I am saying is it is not all about how you look to us. It’s often how you make us feel.

A Good Looking Sexy Bitch is a Single Good Looking Sexy Bitch. I am sorry that the rules do not apply for the real “Bastards” out there. However, that is yet another story for yet another time.

Let me know your story… Does any of what was talked about in this two-part series ring true for you? Have you tried it? I know that in today’s get tough, independent world these issues may not be popular. If you are single and don’t want to be, you might want to consider some of what was talked about. If you are “hooked up” but feel you are losing him a little every day, you might want to assess if you are falling into any of the above traps or are breaking any of the above rules…. You might even want to apply and insight or two.

Until next time… Be confident, be respectful, and most of all be the Woman you know you are…. A woman who knows how to be a woman but is not afraid of being a girl is almost impossible to resist.

Yes, you are right. With a little revision, these thirteen rules can also apply to the other gender… Go figure!

It is time for this Reservation Recluse to refocus and prepare for our next discussion. So remember, when your crossing the Great Divide keep focused on what’s ahead of you. Keep your ass deep in the saddle and your heels locked deep in the stirrups. The scenery is beautiful in the high country but it is a dangerous place to lose your focus….

Regulator on Relationships And You

Have you ever wondered if you were the only one in your relationship who really cared? That maybe you have been putting more into the “everything” than anyone else? Where do we draw that line between being used by giving too much or having the faith in someone to love you just as much as you love them? When do we put a regulator on our affection or start counting reciprocal events and placing them on a “care” meter? Or should we be doing it at all?

You know what I mean. It’s the place where you begin to wonder if the relationship you had is really the relationship you have or maybe you were just waiting for the “other shoe to drop” as it all seemed too good to be true. No matter what stage you found yourself in, you find that you are at a loss for answers as well as reassurance. That though, does not stop your friends from their opinions or “in your best interest” dictums. While you are confused and know nothing, they for some unknown reason know everything.

It seems like everyone knows what’s best for you except YOU. So where does one start?

Like good sex I believe there are some guidelines. You first have to know YOU. What are your needs, your wants, your desires? What are you really asking for; emotionally, physically, and spiritually? Next you have to communicate what they are. In doing so, you will have identified your fears as well as what may be motivating you in this relationship. Are you seeing someone’s POTENTIAL and therefore expecting Change. Are you seeing what could be rather than assessing if what you have in the relationship is valuable and good enough not to develop but to cherish and keep? Are you counting on your feelings to spearhead the relationship with hope all else will follow?

Do you feel valued in the relationship not only by what the other says but in what they do as well? Or is your relationship filled with broken promises of change that seems to never last. Do you find affection to be one-sided and the other indifferent to you or your needs for mutual affection? Have you been honest with them as well as yourself? Or are you afraid that such “honesty” will be the last wedge in driving you apart?

It is not unreasonable to want someone to care for you as much as you care for them but it is unrealistic. Just like being afraid of rejection or fear of losing something you really never had in the first place; not unreasonable but highly unrealistic. In the end our own insecurities drive us away from what it is we are seeking. If we do this enough we then find rejection before we even begin.

Do YOU think it is time to take a good look at YOU and what YOU have instead of what YOU don’t? If what YOU have is not what YOU want then maybe YOU owe it to YOU to do what it is necessary to get it. Sometimes that means change and other times it means putting value on what it is YOU already have. It all starts with YOU. Maybe it ends with YOU too.

In either case remember that relationships don’t make you happy, you do. What relationships can do is add value to your life, building on what you already have….. So if your partner is not what you want… Maybe it’s time to make a change….. The change? YOU! If a partner is what you are seeking…… Maybe it’s time to make a change.... the change? YOU! The cardinal rule with both sex and relationships is that you first have to be comfortable with YOU before you can give or receive from anyone else…. Without it, it’s just all fluff and no depth… Which means it can be great for a short time but it is also short lived….

So as usual… It’s choice and the choice is yours… I’ve made mine…. Is it time to make yours?

It all reminds me of a quote by some forgotten reservation recluse.

“Journeys begin within the soul. Is yours ready to make the trip?”

SIMPLE THINGS THAT ATTRACT A GUY

Or How to Stay Single In Today’s World. Part ONE

It has been a few weeks since I have had anything float across my frontal lobes that warrant a discussion. For those of you who follow these muses I apologize. For others, it is probably a relief.

Today, all is about to change. It’s not that I have anything vital to share but what I have noticed may give food for thought. What’s that you say? Well, I have noticed a shift in what we use to call “dating” and I have become aware of a need to be “hooked up” no matter the cost. In the allure of pursuing this track, we get further away from the relationship we desire and closer to the single status, which is feared.

What I find is that the game is ageless, but today’s players are dealing with a few major misunderstandings. In my train of rambling thoughts, these misunderstandings come in the form of distortions. These distortions manifest themselves by an unwillingness to understand whom we are dealing with and an inability to maneuver the field of play. Here are a few basic, fundamental “rules and insights” many have forgotten and a few refuse to heed.

Wake up Call! Ya can’t hear the bell when your head is locked up in past relationships!

If your head remains in a continuous “cranial rectal inversion” and complicated by "rectal octosise", you will always see things from a “shitty” and distorted perspective. You need to hear the “POP”. You can’t play the “game” with your head stuck somewhere between your knees and your shoulders. It is not comfortable and the view is not becoming. Believe me, it is not prime property and as they say, it’s all in location, location, location…

So if it’s not somewhere in the past, where is it? It’s time to look at what you truly have and consider what you truly want. It may be time to throw away some old beliefs, distorted thoughts and challenge some old behaviors... Game ON!

Distortion Number ONE! SEX! When it comes to dating in today’s world, sex may interest him but it won’t keep him. News Flash: It's not necessary to be prettiest girl on the block. Yes really! Have you ever known anyone who actually thought they were the “prettiest girl” on the block? Ok, no it’s not her! Yes, we all know her. She is lost somewhere between Middle School and Sophomore Year. The object of her affection is also reliving the excitement of "his" last senior year All Conference play- off... Take it from me, they are not the norm. Yet, they are often the individuals we compare ourselves too.

Distortion Number TWO! Believe it or not, sex and the perfect body won’t get or keep the object of your desires. Being the three-hole punch he can pick up at Staples may be good for a quick night in a low cost motel, a cold car behind the local bar or a hot encounter under the stadium at the city football field, but there's a lot more to it. Yes, we guys are shallow but let’s face it; we are not stupid.

Ok, maybe that’s a perceptual issue but take a few minutes and look at this situation from a guy’s perspective. No, it’s not how big your boobs are either. Contrary to many women, we do look in other directions… And No, it’s not all wrapped up in a vertical sweep or a brain dead gaze.
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Distortion Number Three! One of the biggest mistakes women make in the “relationship game” is when they make it all about them. Yes, you heard me right. It’s not all about you! Not everything is “wrapped up” in your feelings or your perceptions, even your perceptions about us.

OK, you are right! It’s not all about us either. So if it’s not about either of us, what is it about?

Let’s review the basics. What do you really need to know and remember about guys? You may have some difficulty believing what you are about to read but give it some thought. Don’t automatically discard it … Think about it; even if it challenges some of what you believe we, as men and women, should have evolved though and into by now. You even might consider applying some of it. If you do, the next problem you may encounter might be how to get RID of him. And yes, that leads us into a whole other topic for yet another time.

Since this is not rocket science, let’s take a shot in the dark…. No pun intended…

Rule Number One: He is a guy and you are a girl. That’s a new concept isn’t it?

Now before you get all gathered up and your tail in a ringer, one is not better than the other but we have to remember there is a difference. We are not to confuse the two. That confusion appears to be one of the problems. Rule number one states: Guy’s don’t want to date their best friend. They want to “hang” with them. I know, for some of you females that’s a touchy concept.

Before I offend too many sophisticated Women and Men out there, I’m talking about males who still like being a guy and females who are not afraid to be a girl. It’s dating for God’s sake, not high-level corporate negotiations and hostile takeovers… There is no room for political correctness in this rule, only acceptance of who we are.

Insight Number One: It doesn't matter how tough and machismo your guy is (or appears to be) – a guy does not want to be with a girl who makes him feel bad. Remember, everyone likes (and needs) to be valued. Whether you want to be a Friend or a Girl Friend, this insight fits both roles. Relationships are not the avenue to practice “being thick skinned” or for you to try out your next adult comedy routine.

Rule Number Two: Good grooming is vital. Let’s make that a given! It’s that important. This doesn’t mean you have to go overboard. Barbie and Ken are not popular in the real world either.

Guy’s, dirt and grease may be becoming sometimes but showers won’t melt anyone, really! And for you women, don’t get carried away. You don’t want to appear untouchable. If you do, he won’t. Touch that is, at least not you. Guys don’t want perfection, we just don’t want you to look and smell like our best hunting buddy. That means the nose hair has to go and smelling like a girl is important. Remember this; femininity goes a long way on a female. We just don’t like it on the guy who is rolled up in the sleeping bag next to us.

Insight Number Two: A little femininity goes a long way…Remember... If it walks like a duck and looks like a duck, it probably is a duck…. Guys like girls who are secure with who they are and they like a girl to be a girl. You don’t have to act like a guy to be his girlfriend…. The fact is we don’t want you to. We need you to compliment us, not complete us or compete with us. As I have stated before, a little femininity will take you a long way in the “relationship game”.

Rule Number Three: Allow a Guy to Be a Guy – Don’t Woosiefy him... No, I don’t mean you have to let him run all over you and I don’t mean that he should be allowed to treat you like one of the guys or like a discarded second-class citizen. If you enjoy being a girl, you don’t want that either. Let him be the man he has lived all his life to be.

Just remember, he isn’t one of the Girls even if you want to be one of the Guys… Men and women think differently. Take refuge in the difference. Remember, it’s good to be included but you don’t want to be passed over and overlooked. You don’t want to fit in so well he forgets you are a girl. Trust me, he knows the difference and he is looking for a girlfriend not a “best friend” who looks like a girl. Or heavens forbid, a girl who walks like his best Friend Bubba.

Insight Number Three: It doesn't matter if he "likes to watch Tara Banks" or admits that he likes the feel of your silk underwear. A guy wants and needs to feel like a man. The minute you start controlling him like his mother or putting rules on things such as his weekend softball game, poker night, or riding his Harley, he's likely to build up resentment. Don't rag on him when he wants to hang out with his buddy’s or lounge on the couch watching football for a few hours. Just let him be. Respect who he is, not who you want him to be. If who he is, is not who you want him to be - MOVE ON. It won’t work now. It won’t work later…

Rule Number Four: Be Respectful – Remember, guys will choose respect over love every time. We are all for girl power, but sometimes strong-minded "alpha women" don't recognize when they are drawing a line in the sand they are engaging their guy in conflict. The age-old battle of the sexes is a war you don’t want to win, unless you want to be planning your next dinner engagement alone. He will disengage. If he doesn’t, you don’t want to hang around. This type of engagement is a formula for disaster. True, some find it fun, but it is neither safe nor healthy.

Insight Number Four: Picking on a guy is enjoyable or humorous. Guy bashing may be popular and fun, but constantly dissing him with subtle put downs, especially in front of others, is a huge hit. It is a blow to the ego that has its consequences. Even if you're just trying to get a laugh, with no intention to hurt, teasing and joking at his expense will back fire.

Rule Number Five: Give Compliments... It doesn’t hurt to stoke his ego every now and then. No… Not like his mother, like his lover and girlfriend. You enjoy hearing how fantastic you look and how creative you are. Guess what? Guys need compliments and praise too! Whether you admire the way he handles himself at a party, treats his sister or how he looks in his Levi’s, let him know.

Insight Number Five: Always keeping those positive thoughts to yourself can keep him at a distance. You don't need to smother him with atta-boys, but an occasional comment about what you like goes a long way. If you “like” the way he stands up for you, let him know. He needs to know you have chosen to be with him for a reason. He needs to know you like him, for not only what he does but also the character of whom he is…

We have covered a lot in a short period. I know it’s enough to gag some of you. I don’t expect you to be comfortable with all of it but I would like you to give it some consideration. Implement some of the rules and insights. See what happens. How does he respond?

This is a two-part rant. The other half will be continued next time. The break will give you some time to explore. As I’ve said before, this is not rocket science. It is just understanding a different point of which to view. There is a difference between the sexes and in relationships, that is still important, even in today’s age and confused society.

Being aware that the differences between the sexes is an attractant. How to use it is art and to be good at your craft takes practice.

So until next time…. Be more of who you are and less of what you can be. It will surprise you with who you will become. Remember, Rules are but a guide and Insights the food for better choices. This Reservation Recluse will say so long for now. We are but the choices we make.

I have made mine, now go ahead and make yours…

Purpose, Something We All Need!

Or It’s all in the throw of the dice and how the game is played.

As I was once told, in Montana you never mess around with another man’s women unless you are given the chance. 

You never piss into the North wind unless your only other option is to pee your pants and you never f*** around with someone else’s “ride” unless that ride has t*ts instead of tires, then it is more like an obligation. 

Maybe that’s why there are few “old” Montana Cowboys left. Instead of dying with their boots on, they die with their pants around their ankles.

Morning comes early and 16-hour days continue. I continue to contemplate my purpose and question my existence. I find no answers but I know that the way out is through and all life seeks zero.

As electricity seeks the negativity of grounding, we were born to die and through death comes life. It is in faith that one grows and in faith that one walks the narrow path along canyon walls. The high mountain air is thin. It burns the lungs and gives vision to the mind. One-step further draws one closer, away from the past and into the future through the steady steps of today.

"It is in this way I continue; for I am my brother’s keeper.”

Each of us has our purpose. Each of us finds it on different paths. Each of us looks. Only some of us look with intention… It is that time of year when we seek new beginnings. We look where we have been and try to identify where we are going. We resolve to do better this time. It is a time for change.

Winter is all about us. Life appears dormant before a coming spring. It is difficult to find the motivation to make the changes we have committed to and we find it more comfortable to snuggle next to a flickering fire, or wrap ourselves within warm arms.

We may also be pulled by that bottle of Jose. Caught within the oblivion and numbing it takes us. We find comfort in the stability of the moment and the familiarity of the past. Even if the past was not what we intended it to be.

Finding a sense of purpose is vital in today’s world. Without it we leave ourselves open for others to manipulate our environment, in order to meet their wants and needs. Be it in a relationship or the work place. Purpose helps us make sense of the world around us, as well as our role within it. Not only who am I, but also what is it I am supposed to do.

Purpose gives one direction and the energy to make things happen. It helps one with accountability as well as responsibility. Purpose helps one feel better, about who they are and helps them take that next step into where they are going.

"Without purpose, we sit and wait."

Now’s the time we are to gather that sense of direction. That vision of who you are and where you are going. It is the time to have patience, as it is a time of development with small steps towards action. Once the vision is clear and the steps put into place, the rest will come.

In the early development of change, we often question the value of our purpose and question its validity. We are often faced with doubt and obstacles that throw us back into past patterns of thought and behavior. It is here we need stability of decision not the impulsivity of action.

I may sound like all of this is easy. It is not! May find excuses to stay stagnant and watch their world move on, sometimes without them. Some find it comfortable to be within its wake and the pull of the moon when it is full. Others seek the comfort of the night and feed upon whatever is near. Many are oblivious to the DarkSide and what it can do when one just “exists”: no matter the reason for that existence.

Purpose, at times, changes. We are all made aware of the importance, of even little things, when we make this journey. We are aware how we play a small but vital role to our family, our friends, and our co-workers. That maybe we too can make a difference in this world, even if it is in a small way.

It is challenging not to abandon our purpose for the impulsive draw of another’s want or desire; even our own. It is important to understand and know there is a difference between the three: purpose, want and desire.

As I continue to make my search, I challenge you to make yours. If you already have, I commend you. It is not going to be an easy journey but I promise you it will be a journey worth taking. It will be a journey that is rewarding and fulfilling. You will find unexpected pleasures at places where once stood confusion and doubt.

This journey will lead you to you and as you walk hand-in-hand, you will find yourself bound to others. Purpose is that way. It gives a sense of “peace, comfort, and joy”. Sort of like an old Christmas song, only it lasts longer than the holidays.

So until next time, give this some thought. Where are you with your sense of purpose? It helps one not lose their way. It can be a guiding light during a dark night. It can give souls to Vampires and Wolves, letting them transform into the light, feeding and protection no longer needed.

This Reservation Recluse has been accused of being too “cryptic” before and I have probably gone there again but for some of you this will ring true and there will be understanding… for others? Well, purpose is good at any time and at any place.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to challenge our direction and see not only where we have been but where we are going…

As some “elders” use to say, “When one cannot see far into the night, one should not be afraid to open one’s eyes.”

Kissing: What Does It Really Tell – Pleasure or Science…

Now I know I am not telling most of you something new. Especially the female gender out there… Kissing, tells…. And it tells a lot. Many find kissing more intimate than intercourse… More personal, more telling, more relaxing and more exciting…
A prelude to what is to come or NOT.

A kiss, is it social, political, biological, or just plain pleasurable? Whether one or all it is something that is cross-cultural. Kissing, in its various forms, can be found in over 90% of the worlds cultures and it very likely predates recorded history…. There must be something to it, this kissing thing.

I find it interesting that you can pay for sex, any kind of sex but a kiss is something one gives away. A gift, a mutual pleasure, even a test…. Yes, a test. A kiss is not just a prelude to sex and it is not just an activity to “get your motor running”. When one gives and receives a kiss, you are passing on vital genetic information. Not only are you picking up temperament and techniques, you are picking up and assessing if the other will become a good mate - a good father or a good mother. You are passing on genetic information and stimulating the brain. Getting weak in the knees and having your heart skip a few beats is just a bonus.

Medical anthropologists say that kissing is a part of the “biological mechanics” of choosing mates. It is called philematology. The science of kissing…. Now, how many of you have a PhD in that and you are not even anthropologists? Ok, way too much personal information. Let’s just keep this to science, or NOT.

The "escalation of osculation", or the rise of kissing is documented in art throughout the world and we can follow it back through the centuries. Kissing has even found its way into social graces of societies and politics; always assessing information and in turn, helping us make decisions. Politics, social graces, or mate selection, kissing became more and more important. Like other important things we tend to trivialize, kissing now has become an activity we place little emphasis on but highly praise. Yet, its benefits remain the same.

The brain is hard at work while the lips get all the glory and most of the fun… Kissing stimulates mirror neurons in the brain whose job is to produce empathy and reduce inhibition…. Mmmmm, now that’s an interesting factoid…How would one use that information on a hot date?

Now for you players out there, don’t get all excited as a kiss also releases and exchanges brain chemistry hormones such as cortisol; a stress related hormone as well as another hormone oxytocin, a chemical related to bonding. So, if you are just interested in getting laid and disbursing sperm, this “kiss” may not be your friend. Yet again, a “kiss”, if done “right”, may just get you laid…. I know - difficult decisions.

Does kissing affect men and women the same? What do we know? Scientifically that is.

Well, we know that women kiss to assess a man’s health as well as to preserve and maintain a relationship, while men place less importance on the kiss and are more likely to use it to end a quarrel, fain affection, get forgiveness, or increase his likelihood of getting laid. Men are twice as likely to have sex with a bad kisser, while women will assess the kiss and determine if she will stay or kiss again.

The consequence; guys if you are a bad kisser your chances of getting “lucky” sharply decline. Now remember, it is not only technique, it is also genetics… Like “secret agents”, you are passing on vital cryptic information. Homeland security is going to have a ball with this.

I can see the headlines now…A Nation Under Siege. Security Compromised…. Confidentiality And Identity At Risk… Lip Lockers Land 15 To Life… Legislation To Follow National Security Breach…

Ok, back to reality or at least a semblance of it.

If you may remember from previous blogs, we have discussed how staring at women’s breasts can reduce stress for men, lowering their blood pressure and decreasing the risk for hypertension. Kissing, we find, may have stress reducing properties as well but only evident in committed relationships. Where kissing can increase your pulse rate and stimulate certain areas of your body in NEW relationships, it can sooth the soul and lower the heart rate in committed ones.

It is interesting that in studies where groups were to kiss for 15 minutes and others were to talk for 15 minutes - no kissing allowed… Subjects found it much easier to kiss than to talk…. It appears sustained kissing reduced tension while talking may have increased it, in turn making it harder to sustain. It was also easier to find subjects for the kissing group than the talking group… Go figure huh?

It appears it is time to haul it in, loosen the cinch and go for a rub down…. No, I am talking about a horse but I am not opposed to the other either. Not all wrangles waved good-bye to the girl, kissed the horse, and rode off into the sunset…

As for kisses, maybe we need to be more exclusive or then again, maybe we need to be more adventurous. The more information the better choices we have…. I cannot think of a better way to gather information.

As usual, it is all about choice. I have made mine…. Have you made yours? I have stolen a few, been given a lot, and returned many but I never kiss and tell…. That’s not about genetics or choice. It’s all about character….

Until later, this reservation recluse has some fieldwork to do…Lip-gloss maybe; it could be a good topic…the flavorful kind…. Double blind study with independent variables.

MMMM… This could be interesting as well as stress reducing…

All About Orgasms Part Two - How To Get There & When To Get Off

Or Teaching Him New Tricks Doesn’t Have To Be A Chore!

Alright… another week has passed and you’ve practiced…. Well, at least some of you have. You have learned that your body does respond to touch and that you do have different sensations from different stimulations. You may also have accidently triggered an orgasm and now want to re-experience it… That’s a good! You now know what it feels like leading up to, during and after the “trigger”… You also know what your body looks like and feels like…. Like Christopher Columbus, you may have discovered a whole “New World”, or at least thought you have….

Dear Ole Chris wasn’t really the first either…. But that’s OK. You now know how to get there because you have been there. You’ve done it once, you can do it again and maybe next time, take someone else along for the “ride”. If you have just reacquainted yourself with an ole friend, that’s OK too. The two of you have lots of catching up to do….

Due to the mythological nature of the Beast, some search for the Big “O” like a favorite vacation spot.

Unlike many successful activities, you don’t want to make having an Orgasm a goal related task. The idea is to relax and enjoy the trek, not find missing treasure... The purpose is to enhance pleasure through stimulation and body exploration, not make “one” orgasm. Ok, for some it is but just “bare” with me if you will. Just keep the excitement and realize if orgasm is made a goal it is less likely to happen, whether flying solo or tandem. The mind is one of the most important eroginous zones and needs to be left unfettered. So relax. Take it easy, explore and enjoy. The process will take you there and the Treasure you will CUM across will “rock you world”.

Now that you have “experienced YOU”, what about HIM? Here it is a little tricky but like we said in the beginning, “teaching him new tricks doesn’t have to be a chore”. It can even be a little fun.

The first thing that male partners have to learn is that penetration, in and of itself, does not achieve this goal and with penetration it is as much in the slow release as in the forceful push; maybe even more. Although the penetration, if done right, can massage the G Spot it does nothing specific for the clitoris. Here you want to increase the pressure exerted on the clitoris by rotating your hips as if in a “grind”.

No, it’s not a race to the finish line or another lap around the gym. Think more like an adolescent, when sex was always on your mind and just sitting next to her made your heart skip a few beats and your “member” jump to the rhythm of the band, let alone come to full attention when she licked her bottom lip... Got it? Ok, now add a dash of romance, a slow touch, a firm hand and focus on HER, not YOU. I know, for some this is going to be really difficult….

Let’s take a small trip back through time. Feel the excitement? No, not that far back when you first discovered what Blue Balls were…. That was all about you wanting to get your “rocks” off and not about her at all! Well, visualize a little more. You can get there… Steady…. She has been there since the beginning… You have to catch up but not rush things…. Remember, “Romance”. This is not the time you fantasize her wanting to be “taken” and you just happen to be the one she chooses…. Remember it is not all about penetration! Ok, so what the HELL is it? Hey, don’t blow a gasket… Take it easy….

Guys, it’s similar to the “dry humping” you use to do before you had the guts to remove her cloths…. Adolescence 101… Remember? Ok…. Got it….. That’s right. You push against her mound with the area just above the penis... Rocking back and forth and side to side… Remember… Nickel, dime, penny, quarter…..? The goal is to stimulate the clitoris before, during and after each stroke. It might take a little coordination but if you can “walk and chew gum at the same time” you can do this…. Besides, the payoff is much better and therefore self rewarding.

We have talked about positions before when discussing the G Spot and yes, we need to do it again… There are many positions out there and exploration is all part of the fun but let’s look at two or three to start with… they are designed to produce good results when accomplished successfully.. The key, as always, is practice.

Ride Cowgirl Ride: We talked about it in G Spot stimulation and is also worthy of discussion here. With the female sitting on top the male should be on his back, his stomach muscles tightened and his pelvis in an upward tilt.. The purpose is to have his back arched. This will improve the quality of the “grind” while he is in full penetration while he then stimulates the clitoris with his thumb...

To accomplish this, he has to put his hand over her pubic area, with his thumb directly over her clitoris. With his back ached, she will then be able to “ride” her partner while he stimulates her clitoris. For her, a slow rocking, mechanical bull riding, effect is good to start. This places her in full control, helping her reach her total potential while he assists…. You’ve seen it in the movies. It looks as good on screen as it feels at home…… You may even get those beads of perspiration which drip off her breasts and on to his chest….

“Right” Angle-T Square or Carpenters Special: This position leads for deeper penetration while leaving the clitoris open for manual stimulation. For this to work, the woman has to lie on her back with her legs raised and slightly apart. More of a traditional invitation... Here it starts to deviate… Instead of falling into the same ole routine the male needs to lie perpendicular to the female, forming a “right angle” a T. He will need to rotate his body so that his “member” is facing the “mother lode”. Got that?

I hope so…. Next, she needs to lower her legs so they form an archway. Now it’s his turn to go “spelunking” and to continue the penetration into the obis the regular way… Depending on the female’s flexibility, this can lead to deeper penetration while leaving the clitoris open for manual stimulation. If accomplished, this can lead to the big “O” quite quickly.

The Enhancer – or Clity Clity Bang Bang: This position is to enhance or maximize clitoral stimulation during intercourse. It’s best performed while the female lies on her back with her legs held tightly together. Her partner should be kneeling or standing in front of her, at a slight diagonal, while she places both legs over one of his shoulders or on one side of his body if he is lying down. He then begins penetration.

This is most easily performed with the male standing and with her legs hanging off a couch, bed or counter. Yes, a variety of rooms. For variation, a Kitchen, Living room, or Bedroom can be easily explored…. The different rooms leading to enhanced excitement and the props are usually built right in. From private to more public depending on how much on the “edge” you want to be.

For the more adventurous and less shy, there are Sexual Toys that can be purchased at any legitimate erotic store. Either experienced solo or with partners, these toys can add the excitement and stimulation needed to either “capture or tame” the allusive Big “O”. For those who are looking for a more tradtional and functional performing device, a regular vibrator can be purchased. They come is a variety of colors, sizes, shapes and purposes. They can be used during intercourse to stimulate a variety of eroginus zones as well as used to stimulate the clitoris or even the G Spot to trigger an orgasm. For the more courageous anal insertion is also an option….

For direct stimulation and enhanced “O”, many find what is routinely called a “vibrating clitoral sucker” to be their choice. And no, his name is not “Ramone” or hers “Roberta”…. Although with practice even they can learn to orally stimulate and who knows, with your guidance, they may even vibrate…

With this device, the cup part needs to be placed over the clitoral area and squeezed a couple of times. This builds up the suction and attaches the device to the body. You then turn on the vibrating egg which is attached to the top of the cup. The suction draws blood into the clitoris, which makes it more sensitive. It also frees up your hands to use in other exploratory ways. Although a little bulky, this device does not have to be used “sole”. It can be used during intercourse to add incredible sensation to an already enjoyable time.

There is also a tiny “finger stimulator” which placed one the end of the finger does wonders for a quick pick me up.

Ok, now we have covered the two primary “hot” spots for orgasms. Like anything new it takes training and one always get better with practice. Remember 1) it is not a destination, 2) the mind is the most powerful tool, 3) self exploration is vital and 4) go explore new territory, and it’s worth the effort.

Now, the choice is yours as always. This may not be for you but what do you have to lose anyway? You may even gain new friends and better lovers….

So until next time, there is really No Excuse. You deserve something “special”…. And it is the beginning of a NEW YEAR!

Keep in mind, the Big “O” is not the goal. It is the reward. So go ahead and try something new. Put some “play” back into your sex life… Or better yet, put some Life into your Sex. It’s all about fun, play, pleasure, excitement, trust, romance and respect; at least for the moment….. If you have someone you want to keep around for awhile that’s better yet. You might even want to throw in some compassion and love…. Trust me, it’s worth it….

Now, I think it’s time for this Reservation Recluse to call it in… Let me know how you fare and if any of this works for you… I think you will find the exercise rewarding if nothing else…. So until next time when the topic is Dominance in Men and Attraction… It’s time to make a choice…. Shall you or shan’t you? I think you shall….

Bear in mind, it’s not about the ride as much as it is in picking the right horse and taking a deep seat in the saddle. AS the saying goes, “Save a horse, Ride _ ______!”

Reservation Recluse And Good Wine

I almost hate to admit this but the other day I was sitting in my favorite “Quarry”, enjoying a Long Meadow Ranch Cabernet; a 2004 vintage to be exact. It is a deep red, berrylicioius, as they say, organically grown grape from St. Helena, California. I was thinking of the Espresso-Rubbed Prime Rib that my good friend Chef Marc so eloquently prepares; a wake up to ones pallet that only “an experience” can accurately describe.


Valentines Day was close approaching and my thoughts drifted to fine dinning, fine wine and good company. Now understand, I am first and foremost a Reservation Recluse and impressing a young lady with the appropriate manners of wine selection was never a priority. Then I remembered how I felt when the only etiquette I knew was in the fine art of twisting the cap off of a bottle of MD 20/20 and the embarrassment that flooded over me when a waiter wanted me to sniff the cork and taste the wine. Yes, waiter. That should give you some hint and the cork? Well, I would much rather have told him where he could put it than smell it. This trip through memory lane made me question. Maybe there were others out there that needed just a little help to save them from awkward embarrassing moments as well.

That stated; here is a crash course on Wine Tasting; at least enough to get you past the tough spots and let you concentrate on wiping the drip spots off your Levis and the gravy off your chin…

Your Wine Steward should be able to help you with the selection best suited for your meal, so no real embarrassment there. Just go with the flow. The bottle neck comes when your Steward brings you the selected bottle, presents the label and pours you a sample of this precious nectar? Now What? No, you don’t down it like a double shot of your favorite tequila while your eyes water and your mouth forms the word Gooooooooooood!

Now pay attention… You don’t need to know everything but you do need to know something to get by.

Once presented:

Hold your wine glass by the stem---as etiquette dictates--- (in the US most wine is not served in a table glass) and hold it up to the light. This will allow you to check for brightness, clarity and color. Is this wine bright or dull and is it clear or cloudy? Is the color more like straw or water? Is it a ruby red, deep burgundy or a delicate pink? It is here you LOOK. Take your time but not too long. She is to be appreciated not victimized.

Then you tip the glass slightly to check for rim variation –the contrast between the color of the wine in the middle and the color at the edges. The more white around the rim, the cheaper the wine . Rim variations is a way for a wine drinker to test the quality of the wine. To check the rim variation, hold the glass up to a light or use a white background to see the size of color variation around the rim of the body of wine. The less variation , the better the wine. Explain this mater of factly and you will give the appearance to your companion you KNOW what you are talking about and are an individual with some knowledge other than sports scores. Don’t be afraid to hold the glass in front of you but not so far you can not appreciate what you see.

Next comes the swirling. Gently rotate your wrist and the wine rolls around the glass. Swirling aerates the wine and also reveals the legs. You might say, “This wine has fast legs.” Which is another way to say that the wine doesn’t have a lot of sugar and thus not a lot of alcohol. You’ll get your point across to the wine Stewart and he will assume you know your wines. Now, if the only legs you know about are connected to your date? Better not comment, just swirl….

Next you stick your nose, a la “Sideways,” into your tasting glass. This way you do not drown nor do you end up with the Merlot gracing the tip of your nose. Now is it’s time to verify, by smell, what you saw. You inhale and determine if it reminds you of a bouquet of violets or a compost heap. Does it smell like a barnyard or freshly chopped firewood, neither? Or maybe you detect a hint of vanilla, coconut or toast.

Finally, you declare, “This white wine smells like petroleum and green peppers.” Which isn’t necessarily an insult and may, in fact, impress the winery representative. You might even consider announcing, when you move on the reds, “This Merlot reminds me of melting road tar.” That will really impress them but it is yet a story for another time.

Then the most important part---the tasting. Now that you have the wine in your mouth, you taste whether what you saw and smelled tastes pretty good, as well. You might detect a woody flavor or a peppery taste. You may detect a hint of blackberry. Does the wine make your tongue duck for cover under your teeth or does it feel like a favorite sweater for your mouth? How long does the flavor linger? Like a long visit from you in-laws or a fleeting glimpse of Matthew McConaughey or Kate Hudson? Is it exciting or just something you want to get over?

Tasting is all about uncovering what it is about a wine that you like, what makes it likable. It’s kind of like the difference between knowing what you like and liking what you know. If you take the time to educate yourself you will find the difference and as with everything else there is a way in which discernment is made easier. It is a quest that can lead you all over the world or right next door.

We have covered the grape but what about the vessel it is served in?

Glasses are important for wine tasting and or drinking. There are wine glasses for each type of wine; pinot noir, cabernet/merlot, Syrah/Shiraz, etc. They differ in their bowl and as well as aperture sizes. If it’s leaded glass, even better, because the lead interacts with the tannins to break them down, which is something you want to do to prevent a really bad hangover. J A good wine glass is designed to perfectly place the wine on the palate.

Now you have the tools to use even if you don’t like wine… go for three fingers of good bourbon instead… Knowing how to taste does not mean you have to DRINK…

Until next time….. Bon Appetite!

Ahhh… at the end try a Cognac.. Bowen V.S.O.P. Appellation Cognac Contrôlée…. is a good start. Yes, it comes from France but don’t hold that against it. You will find a pleasant surprise. And your pallet? Slightly more educated.

Valentine’s Day – Love, Romance or NASCAR

In either case, it is in the opportunity to become involved that is important and today is one of those days that “opportunity” is made for… Be it Romance or the Daytona 500, February 14 is a day to enjoy…

Ok, so it is just a little T and T - “tacky and tasteless” but the thought is there nonetheless. And yes, intention is important. Without it, motivation just sits there and we do nothing… Letting opportunities to enjoy or express our “intentions” pass for yet another time or another day.

When is the last time you had “intentions” or have you gotten so callous or use to your current situation that you no longer take the risk to reap the benefits? I know, it takes energy and lately you have had little of it. You have been focused on your work, on your kids, building your business or on why you are spending too many evenings and weekends alone. You may have forgotten what it was like to get out of your comfort zone and express your intentions.

Today can be a day to let another know that you care and they are important to you - a day to get out of YOU and into another; not just a time to do the same ole same ole that you have been doing these past few months.

If you are one of the few true Romantics left, you have already felt the excitement of today and the “flush” of what may be to come. If not, today maybe just the day to begin.

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of Diamonds and Chocolate. No, I am not suggesting you run out to “Jared’s” or that you purchase a truckload of “Russell Stover’s”. I am talking about what they represent. They are “special” - something out of the ordinary, unless your lifestyle leads to Diamonds and Chocolate on a daily basis.

If you have paid attention to some of the “weird” news out there you will find that in anticipation of today, some Texas Growers are marketing that Watermelon “may” have a “Viagra” effect. This, right after a young man from Georgia claimed that his favorite masturbation technique was using sun-baked watermelons. Oh, not a good visual image… I wonder if it has to be seedless… Before or after? OK, T and T – tacky and tasteless…. No pun intended….

Now, it is not that I don’t like Watermelon… it does have its merits but not in the above categories… and NO, I have not tried it but there is no scientific evidence that points to either being correct; at least that this Reservation Recluse can find.

Watermelon does contain citrulline that transforms into an amino acid, which is involved in nitric oxide synthesis. A synthesis, which is a primary player in making Woody, woody, but it is not all that simple…. Just like being “nice” to someone doesn’t mean you love or even like them. It is more complicated than that. Therefore, unless you just want to make frequent trips to the bathroom, watermelon is not your answer…. Then again, who am I to pass judgment on your taste or your practices…?

Now, Diamonds speak for themselves… I have never known anyone who doesn’t like them and , dressing your favorite gall in something silky with an accent of a class “D” diamond will get Woody’s attention faster than anything I know. Kick it off with some hand feed Swiss Chocolate and it may even get you laid…

Ok, that was a huge statement. Is there scientific evidence to this or is it anecdotal as well? Well, we know that Dark Chocolate has multiple health benefits. It is rich in antioxcidants, which have been proven to improve heart health. It can also decrease blood pressure and lower the risk of diabetes in healthy individuals. Dark chocolate has been known to reduce C - reactive protein which is an indicator of inflammation in the body, hence dark chocolate may also have anti-inflammatory benefits…. To kick it all off, Dark Chocolate keeps you feeling full longer. That translates into eating less with a reduced craving for fatty, salty, and sweet foods. Not bad huh?

Now, turn down the lights... Put on some soft, caressing music… open a bottle of your favorite wine …dip 3-5 strawberry’s in dark chocolate and gently let her lick the chocolate off the berry… feeding her slowly, biting softly, letting the juices tease her tastes and play with her senses….

Let me know if your get through the five dipped berries…

Not too scientific but today I think it is the research that really counts….

This reservation Recluse is going to the market… No, not watermelon… Berries and Dark Chocolate… I already have the wine…

As usual, it is a choice… As you can see, I’ve made mine…. Go make yours… It’s all about intention and expression…. The risk? I am not sure if I see any….

Until later…. Enjoy today… It only hangs around once a year….

ALL ABOUT ORGASMS - PART ONE

How To Get There

Or When To Get Off
Ok, you’re asking yourself, “What does he know?” “He’s a guy for God’s sake….” Well, you’re right. I am a guy and no, God has nothing to do with it… But with a little bit of exploration and experimentation, even guys can gain a little knowledge… Besides, it’s close to the NEW YEAR. What a better way to “Faze” out the old and “Ring” in the NEW! You’ve heard of “ringing your chimes” or “having your bell rung”? Believe me it has nothing to do with the Holiday Spirit. Then again?

Recently I have been asked to talk more about sex, so I thought, “Cum and Go”, “Bells and Chimes” mmmmm maybe, just maybe….. As a New Year Comes, an old one Goes…. So be it with other things as well.

So what do we know about “Chime Ringing” or the allusive “Big O”?

Well, we know there are two major types of Orgasms women have and as some things “Cum and Go”, so do Orgasms. No, we are not talking about mini-marts and the gas stations one sees around Montana and Wyoming. They are spelled with a “K” and what you get when you are finished with the “pump” is just gas… No, not the intestinal track stuff... No, not the big “O” either…. Just Fuel!

So we are straight, right? Then again maybe that is not the right word to use either for it doesn’t really matter. Orgasms do not differentiate between sexual preferences or whether you are solo, tandem or having a party.

Ok, so you’re “at the pump” and you’re picking your “octane”…. You typically have two different types to choose from, Clitoral or G Spot…. You’ve more than likely heard of these as “vaginal orgasms” and yes you are right, there are different “hot” spots or “erogenous zones” but we can cover those at another time. The “G Spot” we covered, in depth, a while back if you remember… 1) How to find it and 2) What to do with it once you’ve found it. And yes, it is OK to refresh your memory. Go back if you have to.

Now, how to make the Clitoris pay dividends? Ok, these are economic HARD times… No pun intended….

Intercourse, in and of itself, does not guarantee Orgasm. Alright, you already knew this… No huge surprise……. You may have experienced it? Ok, you have experienced it! I was just giving you the benefit of the doubt…. No need to take offense… Good…. Now what? What about plain ole F-----g?

Coitus, in and of itself can be one of the most awkward ways to stimulate a woman and it leaves a whole universe out there untapped. “What?” you say. It’s not just push and pump….? Universe? Exploration? It sounds more like Battle Star Galactica than “hooken up” and “Coitus Interrupt-us” isn’t where we want to go either.

One of the first things a person needs to know is that being aware of one’s own body is vital, especially when it comes to the Big “O”. As boys, men learn the pleasures of masturbation and quickly discover that “self abuse” is not really abuse after all. Further study promptly displaces the blindness theory as well. With girls it is not as obvious. Self exploration is not as readily explored and guilt is often attached. Consequently orgasms can be and to some, are allusive.

Exploring one’s own body and being aware of its pleasures is essential to Orgasm. It is in this exploration and masturbation that many women find the magic button and get themselves off, for the first time, by clitoral stimulation. Many women find they are unable to climax during traditional sex because they are not fully aware of their different vaginal sensations. They are not familiar with the variety of stimulations available to enjoy the effects to the fullest extent. They leave another Universe, of vaginal sensation, untapped.

If left unaware due to the failure to self explore, how can one communicate to their partner what is pleasurable or what they want? How can they find and enhance what truly gives them pleasure? In other words what you don’t know you can’t share. And as far as “interrupt-us” goes let’s not even get started….. Leaving it to your partner to guide you through this is like letting a two year old pick out your transportation…. This is something you need to take control of….

Mutual exploration is fun and erotic but if you are going to put yourself in someone’s “hands” don’t let it be All State… You are better off in YOUR OWN, at least to begin with; then try taking the “Solo” “Tandem”. It’s worth the effort…..

Vital as it is to learn to read you and your partner’s erotic pleasure signs, it is also important to ask questions when exploring new areas or new sexual techniques. What? Run that by me one more time…

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not putting down traditional intercourse or “getting laid”. It is and can be very erotic, emotionally stimulating and very arousing but compared to the degree of stimulation to the clitoris by oral sex and masturbation, it can be left wanting. Yes, “dinning out” and traditional “finger foods” can lead to a more direct “Story of O”. Combinations of the three can lead to an “epic movie”.

Incorporating manual stimulation, while at the “pump”, can intensify ones arousal and trigger an orgasm just as well as correctly hitting and stroking the G spot can. True, no one really wants to study Geometry during intercourse but as we talked about before, knowing what positions stimulate the G Spot will help achieve Orgasm and heighten arousal responses. Combinations of the two can “Rock her World”.

So until next time, it’s time to practice…. And as they say in my part of the world: Save a horse. “Ride a Cowboy”……

This Reservation Recluse has some “field work” to do …. We will get into the mechanics of that next time…..

As always, it’s a choice….. I’ve made mine… Now go make yours…..

Stimulating The G Spot During Intercourse - a man's guide...

Or “Are you sure you can do this?”

Ok, another week has pasted and by now you have found it! "Glory Be to the “G”! At least I hope so and you have found that stimulation by massage was worth the effort. Now the question is?

Can the G Spot be stimulated in intercourse?
Yes, it can but it is all about position. That’s right, position. It all depends on the angle you and your partner position yourself. Not all positions stimulate this zone. For example, positioning yourself across from each other at the breakfast table does nothing to or for any of the major erogenous zones...... Bummer, huh? Yet, it can all start within the twinkle of the eye.

That’s under foreplay if you have forgotten and it is "SEXUAL" positioning we are talking about... Not Thanksgiving seating.....

Yes, the good old "Kama Sutra" may be of benefit here. You might want to dust it off your shelf or make a trip to Walden Books. If you are too embarrassed to do that, Amazon.com will bring it right to your front door. Now that that’s settled, on to more penetrating information..... No pun intended....

Being able to stimulate the G Spot during intercourse will definitely increase the likelihood of your partner triggering orgasm. That said, you will have to experiment with different positions and yes, it does take energy, time and communication but this can be enjoyable in and of itself... It is all part of the “whole” experience.
Now, what about those positions?

Well, a few positions couples have found, which employ significant pressure and improve the likely hood of G Spot stimulation, are 1) The Primal Animal – from behind, 2) Ride Cowgirl Ride – girl on top, with her slowly leaning into his chest and 3) Glory B to “G” – male knelling with female’s legs on his shoulders.. Of course there are more... I have just cited a few. You just have to use your imagination and practice..... Buying a copy of the "Kama Sutra" may also help or not, but not unless you read it and practice. And NO, taking up space on the night stand does not count.

You will find that any position, where she can control the pressure and where the angle of penetration “hits the spot”, will provide the desired outcome. Now, add clitoral stimulation and you may really “rock her world”. Yet remember, the two areas are different and need different types of stimulation... They are in two different places and respond differently to different techniques. One needs a faster, gentler flickering touch while the other needs firmer steady massaging pressure.

Now guys, something you need to remember and never forget…. I mean NEVER FORGET, no matter what, Ok? Now listen…. Once she is approaching an orgasm it is VITAL that you do not change anything. Continue the same technique the closer she gets to “the trigger point” of orgasm… NEVER EVER STOP; not to change position, not to take a breath, not to relax the “Charley Horse” you are having and not to question if she is OK…... It is vital to keep on keeping on until her climax is triggered. Once triggered, she may want you to stop the stimulation as the intensity can be so great. That’s OK. Listen to her. If she does not tell you to stop, keep on keeping on……

Bear in mind any variation and change, at this point in the game, can take it all away from her. It’s like driving towards the Goal with no time left on the clock and fumbling at the one yard line….. Someone’s gonna die or wish he had because there will be no joy in the locker room that night….

As we have said, until you learn otherwise, continue the stimulation right on through her climax; the resulting orgasm will lead to a breath taking, mind blowing experience and you the STUD MUFFIN of the night. But remember, it is up to her to guide you. It’s up to you to follow. Pay attention and take her lead…. She will show you. You are going to have to listen to both her body responses and her words.

Now, having said keep on keeping on, there are times when you might want to taunt her by pausing, building her intensity and then letting her sense of exigency settle. It is allowable to do this as long as you deliver the goods in the end. Remember, when the two of you have "primed" her awakening and are now close to triggering her climax, it is at this point you help her push though

reaching her climax. It is not the time to take it away from her.

It is important to know your partner's responses to touch. For example, women often become frustrated and can sometimes loose a great deal of excitement if her partner puts a pause in the proceedings just prior to her achieving an orgasm. We have just talked about this. Do this more than once and there will be no more re-rides Cowboy…..

So, what is good for you is not always good for her. A guy's intensity can be significantly increased if his partner pauses one or more times on the climb toward an orgasm, If she starts again a few moments later, the intensity builds. It is not the same with her….. Rather than stopping her buildup by pausing as she might do for you, consider altering your stimulation. You can do this so the feeling does not stop but relaxes slightly before intensifying a few seconds later. In this manner she should not lose the intensity and stop the momentum that triggers the orgasm. It is here you have more control and can either “rock her world” or “not”.

Now, it might not sound much like a choice but it is…. Maybe it sounds more like a “no brainer” but it is up to YOU. If you have not experienced it, it might be worth the effort to give it a whirl. If you have, I think you will agree that it’s worth doing it again…. Not all this comes “naturally”. Yes, one does have to work at it and learn. Just think if they would have taught this is school? That again is yet another story or yet another time.

So until next time…. Keep the powder dry, your ass deep in the saddle and keep a gentle touch on the reins. It time for this Reservation Recluse to saddle up and ride a wide circle…

Finding the Gratenberg Area

This post all started when my 92 year old mother asked my older brother a question.  His response..  "Ask your other son."  So my mom being who she is, did...  Her question... 1) What is a G spot and 2) How do you find it...  I said, "Mom, what have you been reading?"

In response, I told her I would write a blog about it and if she had any further questions I would answer them...  So mom, this is for you.....

Or G Spot – Fact or Fiction
Where is the G Spot? Do you have one? Does everyone have one? Does anyone have one? No, I am not talking about the spot between F and H in the English alphabet. I am talking about what is called the G(ratenberg) Area.

Ok, guys, NO, you do not have one but it may be in your best interest to find hers. And NO, your GPS won’t help you here... Leave it at home! Find some other more exciting and personal way to “mark the spot”. I don’t believe your Boy Scout Manual will help you here but Dr. Ruth might....

So how does one go about finding this allusive animal anyway? And NO, contrary to some popular beliefs, a Credit Card does not work either....

I remember as kids we use to go “snipe” hunting with a gunny sack and flashlight. You first had to find the “Spot” then you took your time to make sure you didn’t scare anything away and you waited; light on and sack open...

Now, is the “G” the Spot or the Snipe....? Let’s hope it’s the Spot because the Snipe’s not real..... And yes, we are now adults.... We would look rather silly sitting naked on the edge of the bed with an open gunny sack and a flashlight... then again..... Back on track....

The easiest way to locate the G Spot is to have your female partner lie on her back. Yes, guys, the cloths have to be off.... Hers that is...Yours is optional.... And you need a “Slow hand and a Gentle but Firm touch”.... Close cut finger nails won’t hurt either.... Oh, no puns.... But for real.... Manicure those hands......

The G Spot, is located roughly 1.5-2" inside along the vaginal upper frontal wall. Many women testify intense orgasms come from having this area or (spot) stimulated. This area ranges in diameter from about the size of a dime to a quarter. Typically it has a different texture from the rest of the interior wall and you should be able to feel the difference; more like a miniature washboard than the rest of her inner sanctum.

Ok, so you don’t know what washboards are? Those were before your time? MMMM Let’s say it is a series of ridges - like a walnut, (not as smooth) as the rest of her play area, and when she is aroused it feels spongy. Do you think you have the idea? Probably not but let’s pretend, OK? OK! It also may help to think of it more as a zone than a “spot” and it is easier to find when she is aroused; so guys, “spend time on foreplay”. It will always pay off.

The G Spot is often thought of as the female ejaculatory center for a woman and the G Spot triggered orgasm is often associated with the mystical tale of 10-20 minutes of sensation close to euphoria, where she is in complete ecstasy... Now remember, I said mystical not magical or mythical. You are going to have to experiment for yourself..... For even fairy tales have some evidence of truth..... Plus you are going to have to have a willing partner who is open to such exploration.... Remember, play and an openness to explore are essential.

Let Your Fingers Do The Walking or G Spot Stimulation

Ok, now that you know the approximate area as well as its mythical qualities, it’s time to explore methodology. Take a deep breath, slow down your breathing. Relax; it’s not going to bite.

Ready? Now, gently insert your finger(s) approximately 1.5 to 3 inches while moving your finger(s) in even circles all around the inside of the vagina. Be gentle; but keep a firm constant pressure along the entire length of the vaginal wall. Then curve your finger(s) up with a "come here" motion, slowly sliding your fingertip along the top of the vagina until you find an area that is rougher than the rest of that interior wall.

Remember, it feels like a spongy walnut… Start applying extra pressure upwards, towards her stomach; easy and rhythmic while not breaking the steady circular rhythm. Now, stop rotating your fingers and rest the tip of your finger(s) on the (slightly ridged, spongy) area. If you have done it correctly, you will find this zone will lay just behind her pubic bone. Now gently exert pressure upwards, towards her belly. You are now directly stimulating the G Spot.

(Stimulation is best when she is highly aroused. Unlike the clitoris which needs a more gentle flickering touch the G-spot needs a firmer steady, massaging pressure.)

It usually feels best for her if your finger(s) are delicately moving. You can continue to move your finger(s) in small, deliberate circles, or position your finger(s) in more of a point and rock them back and forth. Try both if you are more adventurous as well as coordinated... Then you can decide if it is more of an Art than Sport. Some say both. I don’t think she will care.......

Combining the two can be a very successful technique. To do this you trace the inside of her vagina with your finger(s), while moving them in and out. Make sure that your fingertip always hits the G spot on each rotation. The key is to find a rhythm which is both comfortable and pleasant for her. When you achieve this and get it right, she will be wondering where you came from and what happened to her other guy!

One caution; remember it’s her spot not yours. It’s about HER not YOU. It is not a horse race to the finish line or a place to drop anchor and pop a beer like your old fishing spot. It’s about pleasure and doing something for her. In turn, you can both reap the benefits….

It is important to be aware that not all women are responsive to this type of stimulation and massage, so listen to her and take her lead. It is also important to enlist her help to provide feedback on what’s pleasurable and pay attention to how she is responding to your touch. Don’t think you know it all…..Do not assume you know what pleasures her…..


Until next time….. It’s all about choice but some choices are just too good to pass up. So until next time, this reservation recluse says, “leave your GPS at home”. It’s all about good old fashion “tracking”. It’s the process not the destination that heightens the experience….